There's a New Man in Town.
All Hail Megatron Issue 9. March 25th 2009.
Clown?
To date, if anything has carried All Hail Megatron consistently, it has been the Guido Guidi led art. So, it’s hard not to approach the first issue with no contribution from him at all with some trepidation. Especially as neither of the two artists who are filling in for him are amongst the familiar faces. Indeed, Emiliano Santalucia, handling the Cybertron scenes, is only on his third Transformers comic (following a part of a Devil’s Due G.I. Joe crossover and Spotlight: Blaster), and Earthbound artist Robert Deas is here doing his first and only work on the franchise.
For reasons that quickly become apparent as we open in New York, which is still New York in this issue rather than the heavily rebuilt purple Decepticon citadel, within the department store “Gloomingdales”.
Now, do you remember the human resistance characters Sarah and Bridge? As last seen in issue 4 back in October? Well, turns out Shane McCarthy has suddenly remembered them as well, as they scout through the store for supplies. And seem to be getting on each other’s nerves, as first Bridge annoys Sarah by wondering if the rain is down to aliens and then asking if they could take some books or something to stop everyone else going out of their minds. An idea that completely disgusts her.
As we haven’t seen them since she put Bridge in charge, the main purpose of this opening is to establish she’s really the boss before she formally becomes so.
Clown?
To date, if anything has carried All Hail Megatron consistently, it has been the Guido Guidi led art. So, it’s hard not to approach the first issue with no contribution from him at all with some trepidation. Especially as neither of the two artists who are filling in for him are amongst the familiar faces. Indeed, Emiliano Santalucia, handling the Cybertron scenes, is only on his third Transformers comic (following a part of a Devil’s Due G.I. Joe crossover and Spotlight: Blaster), and Earthbound artist Robert Deas is here doing his first and only work on the franchise.
For reasons that quickly become apparent as we open in New York, which is still New York in this issue rather than the heavily rebuilt purple Decepticon citadel, within the department store “Gloomingdales”.
Now, do you remember the human resistance characters Sarah and Bridge? As last seen in issue 4 back in October? Well, turns out Shane McCarthy has suddenly remembered them as well, as they scout through the store for supplies. And seem to be getting on each other’s nerves, as first Bridge annoys Sarah by wondering if the rain is down to aliens and then asking if they could take some books or something to stop everyone else going out of their minds. An idea that completely disgusts her.
As we haven’t seen them since she put Bridge in charge, the main purpose of this opening is to establish she’s really the boss before she formally becomes so.
This is a man whose mum does all his sewing.
Or at least in theory she does, but the real main event, someone they somehow don’t see until he makes a noise despite seemingly being right in front of them, a topless Spike Witwicky (last seen in issue 5, back in November), complaining he can only find button up “Pants”, because apparently the guy can’t hold in his piss longer than it takes to undo a zipper. The sheer sight of him leaves Sarah especially in awe, because of course, who wouldn’t be immediately horny for a man with a bladder problem?
Now, reintroducing an awful character who has been out of the story just long enough for you to blissfully forget him is bad enough. As in reintroducing him in the most smug twat way possible. But the art is arguably the worst we’ve yet seen in an IDW comic, Deas simply cannot draw humans at all. Creating freaky caricatures that look like someone has described Anime to him, but he’s never actually seen any and is just taking a good guess.
It’s also possible that someone described women to him, but he’s never actually seen any and is just taking a good guess, as Sarah especially suffers. Across the issue she’ll turn out to have a tiny waist, huge boobs, freakishly long monkey arms and a face that looks like she’s stepped on a rake one too many times. Even more so that the others, she wouldn’t be recognisable as the same person from the previous issues if she didn’t introduce herself.
Introductions are what we need as the scene cuts to a little later and Spike is trying to convince these two strangers to help him on his mission to get this super classified gun, on the grounds that if a crack commando team couldn’t make it, two starving people living in a sewer definitely can. And the more he tries to convince them of his “If I kill the leader, Europe won’t nuke New York to stop the rest” plan, the less convincing it sounds.
Now, reintroducing an awful character who has been out of the story just long enough for you to blissfully forget him is bad enough. As in reintroducing him in the most smug twat way possible. But the art is arguably the worst we’ve yet seen in an IDW comic, Deas simply cannot draw humans at all. Creating freaky caricatures that look like someone has described Anime to him, but he’s never actually seen any and is just taking a good guess.
It’s also possible that someone described women to him, but he’s never actually seen any and is just taking a good guess, as Sarah especially suffers. Across the issue she’ll turn out to have a tiny waist, huge boobs, freakishly long monkey arms and a face that looks like she’s stepped on a rake one too many times. Even more so that the others, she wouldn’t be recognisable as the same person from the previous issues if she didn’t introduce herself.
Introductions are what we need as the scene cuts to a little later and Spike is trying to convince these two strangers to help him on his mission to get this super classified gun, on the grounds that if a crack commando team couldn’t make it, two starving people living in a sewer definitely can. And the more he tries to convince them of his “If I kill the leader, Europe won’t nuke New York to stop the rest” plan, the less convincing it sounds.
McCarthy when editorial ask him the reason for any of this.
But if they’re going to get to the prototype, they’re going to need more mundane weapons. And Sarah and Bridge (whom Bridge makes a big thing of really being in charge, but as Spike is going to lead now and this is the last issue either of these two really have anything major to do in, it’s meaningless) don’t have any. So, thank goodness that’s the moment Charles walks in.
What do you mean you don’t remember Charles? The ex-military cop who knows where the NYPD kept all the nastiest weapons they confiscated? Who has a personal vendetta against Rumble for killing his son? Old Charlie boy?
In the first of a couple of signs of ass pulling writing this issue, introducing a character as if we should know him and giving him a whole personal revenge subplot as if that’s a thing we already care about is just baffling, though I’ll come up with a possible reason later.
On Cybertron, with a thankful and much needed improvement in the art, more ass pulling in incoming, but first Ironhide tries to apologise to Mirage. Which in theory should be a good scene, but he just repeats his same reasoning for having done the attack we’ve now heard him give at least three times. Mirage not having repaired his Autobrand as a point about how he was told he doesn’t deserve it is a nice moment, but otherwise what should have been a key scene struggles.
And why Ironhide is surprised Mirage hasn’t fully fixed himself is that it turns out Kup’s bunker had the facilities to repair everyone (including completely redesigning Hound to resemble his them current Universe toy), re-arm them and re-energon them.
What do you mean you don’t remember Charles? The ex-military cop who knows where the NYPD kept all the nastiest weapons they confiscated? Who has a personal vendetta against Rumble for killing his son? Old Charlie boy?
In the first of a couple of signs of ass pulling writing this issue, introducing a character as if we should know him and giving him a whole personal revenge subplot as if that’s a thing we already care about is just baffling, though I’ll come up with a possible reason later.
On Cybertron, with a thankful and much needed improvement in the art, more ass pulling in incoming, but first Ironhide tries to apologise to Mirage. Which in theory should be a good scene, but he just repeats his same reasoning for having done the attack we’ve now heard him give at least three times. Mirage not having repaired his Autobrand as a point about how he was told he doesn’t deserve it is a nice moment, but otherwise what should have been a key scene struggles.
And why Ironhide is surprised Mirage hasn’t fully fixed himself is that it turns out Kup’s bunker had the facilities to repair everyone (including completely redesigning Hound to resemble his them current Universe toy), re-arm them and re-energon them.
Kup bought guns, parts and red paint.
Which is even more of a staggering ass pull than Charles, as at no point in the previous two issues when they were running about was this mentioned, they were just escaping from the Swarm.
Now, yes, as we approach the final battle, the Autobots would need to sort themselves out. But, and SPOILERS, as the next issue will have them rescued by Omega Supreme, why not have his base/ship mode have the facilities to fix everyone out? This all comes out of nowhere and is very, very awkward writing.
Still, as Ratchet very carefully explains to Kup as they discuss moral, even with all these amazing facilities, fixing Prime is going to be so difficult as to be virtually impossible. So don’t expect any sort of ass pull there. Especially as Perceptor can’t help now, making Ratchet bemoan that they didn’t need another “Clown with a gun”, which is trying to set-up some of the themes that the rest of the issue will explore, but just leaves you realising, because Kup doesn’t know what one is, that Transformers have no concept of clowns.
On Earth, we actually get some nice use of continuity, as the weapon Spike has come for (hidden in a painting and decorating centre) turns out to be based on Shockwave’s gun arm after it was studied by Skywatch. Though there is an odd moment of implying a mystery about some "Outside help” having turned it into a human sized weapon that will never be followed up on.
And then an even odder moment of Spike talking about how American history is full of moments where one man has changed everything. Because what hero doesn’t see themselves as Lee Harvey Oswald?
Now, yes, as we approach the final battle, the Autobots would need to sort themselves out. But, and SPOILERS, as the next issue will have them rescued by Omega Supreme, why not have his base/ship mode have the facilities to fix everyone out? This all comes out of nowhere and is very, very awkward writing.
Still, as Ratchet very carefully explains to Kup as they discuss moral, even with all these amazing facilities, fixing Prime is going to be so difficult as to be virtually impossible. So don’t expect any sort of ass pull there. Especially as Perceptor can’t help now, making Ratchet bemoan that they didn’t need another “Clown with a gun”, which is trying to set-up some of the themes that the rest of the issue will explore, but just leaves you realising, because Kup doesn’t know what one is, that Transformers have no concept of clowns.
On Earth, we actually get some nice use of continuity, as the weapon Spike has come for (hidden in a painting and decorating centre) turns out to be based on Shockwave’s gun arm after it was studied by Skywatch. Though there is an odd moment of implying a mystery about some "Outside help” having turned it into a human sized weapon that will never be followed up on.
And then an even odder moment of Spike talking about how American history is full of moments where one man has changed everything. Because what hero doesn’t see themselves as Lee Harvey Oswald?
But doctor, I am clown.
Thankfully there’s no time to dwell on this, as they’re chased from the building by Rumble. And what amazing coincidence that, right after meeting a guy with a vendetta against Rumble, Rumble attacks.
The following battle in both hideous to look at and full of machismo as Spike uses a bike as a distraction and Charles a bazooka to kill Rumble, avenging the death of his son.
What a deeply strange 8 page arc. I can only assume McCarthy originally just had Bridge take on his old sparing partner of Ravage, but someone at editorial vetoed that, so we got a different cassette and a whole new character introduced so that it could still be “This time it’s personal”. Because no one in New York could have general beef with a Decepticon at this point.
Even if that guess is the actual reason is right, the result is still the oddest bit of writing we’ve had yet, and it’s something of a relief as a piercing scream fills the air in an awkward transition back to Cybertron that breaks the general comic rule that you try not to switch locations during a page.
The following battle in both hideous to look at and full of machismo as Spike uses a bike as a distraction and Charles a bazooka to kill Rumble, avenging the death of his son.
What a deeply strange 8 page arc. I can only assume McCarthy originally just had Bridge take on his old sparing partner of Ravage, but someone at editorial vetoed that, so we got a different cassette and a whole new character introduced so that it could still be “This time it’s personal”. Because no one in New York could have general beef with a Decepticon at this point.
Even if that guess is the actual reason is right, the result is still the oddest bit of writing we’ve had yet, and it’s something of a relief as a piercing scream fills the air in an awkward transition back to Cybertron that breaks the general comic rule that you try not to switch locations during a page.
RUMBLE IS BLUE
Despite all being fixed and healthy, the Autobots are still bitching, with Bumblebee especially having it in for Drift. Though still without anyone saying exactly why. Though the argument he’s starting with Hot Rod (and I suppose it’s nice foreshadowing in retrospect he’s the most defensive of Drift) is cut short by Sideswipe, bundle of joy that he is, suddenly coming out with “Sunstreaker is dead”, followed up by saying Sunny probably wanted out and now he thinks they all deserve to die as well.
Lovable guy that Sideswipe.
On Earth, we get the simplest, and best, part of the issue as Soundwave finds Rumble’s body and cradles it, being completely broken by the sight.
Or he would be if the art could convey any emotion at all. But it’s still a solid moment of comradery.
One with an unexpected benefit as Soundwave is so sad, he forgets to keep jamming human communications and suddenly all the phones in New York start ringing, meaning Spike can get a call out.
On Cybertron, we get a full-page speech from Sideswipe about What Is Wrong with the Autobots.
Or rather, what was wrong with the Furman run, as he complains about them standing around watching evil being done rather than acting and how bad that actually was and no wonder Sunstreaker couldn't take it.
Lovable guy that Sideswipe.
On Earth, we get the simplest, and best, part of the issue as Soundwave finds Rumble’s body and cradles it, being completely broken by the sight.
Or he would be if the art could convey any emotion at all. But it’s still a solid moment of comradery.
One with an unexpected benefit as Soundwave is so sad, he forgets to keep jamming human communications and suddenly all the phones in New York start ringing, meaning Spike can get a call out.
On Cybertron, we get a full-page speech from Sideswipe about What Is Wrong with the Autobots.
Or rather, what was wrong with the Furman run, as he complains about them standing around watching evil being done rather than acting and how bad that actually was and no wonder Sunstreaker couldn't take it.
Me at the UK after the last decade.
Which is frankly a bit rich considering all the standing around doing nothing the Autobots have done in this series.
This is, in theory, where the machismo and testosterone of the series to date is justified as Sideswipe points out this is actually a bad thing, that they’ve lost their basic compassion and empathy in pursuit of winning this war.
But this issue also portrays the machismo and testosterone filled Spike in a completely genuine way, suggesting someone is, at best, trying to have their cake and eat it, or at worst doesn’t believe a word of it.
Still, the entire thing is made moot by the perfectly recovered Optimus Prime walking into the room. Remember earlier in the issue when Ratchet said this wasn’t going to happen any time soon? Well, Shane McCarthy hopes you don’t.
This is, in theory, where the machismo and testosterone of the series to date is justified as Sideswipe points out this is actually a bad thing, that they’ve lost their basic compassion and empathy in pursuit of winning this war.
But this issue also portrays the machismo and testosterone filled Spike in a completely genuine way, suggesting someone is, at best, trying to have their cake and eat it, or at worst doesn’t believe a word of it.
Still, the entire thing is made moot by the perfectly recovered Optimus Prime walking into the room. Remember earlier in the issue when Ratchet said this wasn’t going to happen any time soon? Well, Shane McCarthy hopes you don’t.
(He gets better)
Prime agrees with Sideswipe that the Furman run was a mistake and promises to do better now and hopes he can count on everyone to stand against the Decepticons. This two-page spread has the best art of the issue, but Prime just spontaneously getting better is such a “huh” moment and the moral debate is so bunk in the context of the series, what should be a great moment we’ve been building up to for months winds up dying on its arse.
On Earth, a shocked Spike has spoken to his dad, but it’s not the emotional reunion that has left him looking like he’s struggling to get a poo out when extremely constipated. It’s that the “Other nations” are going to nuke New York regardless!
Which is our second “New York is going to be nuked” cliff-hanger of the series. Damn EU bureaucracy, slowing everything down.
It does raise the question of how much time is supposed to have passed, or if the Earth and Cybertron scenes are meant to be in sync with each other as it must have taken quite a bit of time to completely repair all the battered Autobots, but Spike can’t have been doing up his jeans for weeks, surely?
On Earth, a shocked Spike has spoken to his dad, but it’s not the emotional reunion that has left him looking like he’s struggling to get a poo out when extremely constipated. It’s that the “Other nations” are going to nuke New York regardless!
Which is our second “New York is going to be nuked” cliff-hanger of the series. Damn EU bureaucracy, slowing everything down.
It does raise the question of how much time is supposed to have passed, or if the Earth and Cybertron scenes are meant to be in sync with each other as it must have taken quite a bit of time to completely repair all the battered Autobots, but Spike can’t have been doing up his jeans for weeks, surely?
"That was a nice nap. Did I miss anything?
Either way, this is by far the worst issue of this series to date. Which feels like something I’ve had to say a few times now, but each new low is indeed a new low. You have terrible art on half the issue that means it can’t plaster over the writing cracks, as random stuff happens with no set-up, characters we’re supposed to care about get introduced for no reason, things that have already happened get repeated and the moral message the series is trying to go for is a muddled mess.
Soundwave being sad over Rumble is literally the only good bit here, so naturally Rumble being dead will be ignored almost immediately.
This wants to be zipper pants, but winds up all buttons.
Next week, back to the deeply beloved by McCarthy Furman stuff.
ALL HAIL MEGATRON ISSUE 8
2009
COMMENT
KO-FI
Soundwave being sad over Rumble is literally the only good bit here, so naturally Rumble being dead will be ignored almost immediately.
This wants to be zipper pants, but winds up all buttons.
Next week, back to the deeply beloved by McCarthy Furman stuff.
ALL HAIL MEGATRON ISSUE 8
2009
COMMENT
KO-FI
