We Built This City On Rock and Roll.
Issue 186: Space Pirates! Part 5. 1st October 1988.
Sick as parrots they were!
Though it may not be immediately apparent, it’s with the fifth part (or two thirds of the way through its run) that Space Pirates! starts to solidify into a story where the good, or at the very least the interesting, aspects of the story outweigh the bad and just plain baffling.
I say it’s not immediately apparent because we open with Arcee once again setting women’s rights back to the 1960’s. Despite (seemingly) having been healed by the Matrix before Hot Rod lost it, she’s limping alongside him and bemoaning what useless deadweight she is whilst the brave hero heroically shields her from Quintesson firepower. It’s telling that when she suggests he leave her behind he at least thinks about it before deciding that would be more of a responsible Rodimus thing to do and that Hot Rod is more interested in getting some sweet robo-pussy (though at least Arcee rolls her eyes at his butch machismo).
Part of the problem is something that Tim Roll-Pickering pointing out in the comments last week: Arcee and Hot Rod have no on-page history. This is a relationship that is meant to mean so much to the Autobot leader that he would be prepared to take a stupid risk with the Matrix for her; that he would be faced with a serious crisis over his duty when the choice between guaranteeing the safety of Autobot City and refusing to leave her behind has to be made. But it’s also a relationship that requires you to have seen the film to be even aware of. Certainly in two years of future stories there’s not even been a hint of Arcee, let alone anything that could lead to this chain of events. In terms of the comic’s internal continuity, so much of what happens here would make more sense if it was Kup rather than Arcee in this role. Except of course, Kup would never be allowed to be written as such a pathetic and idiotic character.
Sick as parrots they were!
Though it may not be immediately apparent, it’s with the fifth part (or two thirds of the way through its run) that Space Pirates! starts to solidify into a story where the good, or at the very least the interesting, aspects of the story outweigh the bad and just plain baffling.
I say it’s not immediately apparent because we open with Arcee once again setting women’s rights back to the 1960’s. Despite (seemingly) having been healed by the Matrix before Hot Rod lost it, she’s limping alongside him and bemoaning what useless deadweight she is whilst the brave hero heroically shields her from Quintesson firepower. It’s telling that when she suggests he leave her behind he at least thinks about it before deciding that would be more of a responsible Rodimus thing to do and that Hot Rod is more interested in getting some sweet robo-pussy (though at least Arcee rolls her eyes at his butch machismo).
Part of the problem is something that Tim Roll-Pickering pointing out in the comments last week: Arcee and Hot Rod have no on-page history. This is a relationship that is meant to mean so much to the Autobot leader that he would be prepared to take a stupid risk with the Matrix for her; that he would be faced with a serious crisis over his duty when the choice between guaranteeing the safety of Autobot City and refusing to leave her behind has to be made. But it’s also a relationship that requires you to have seen the film to be even aware of. Certainly in two years of future stories there’s not even been a hint of Arcee, let alone anything that could lead to this chain of events. In terms of the comic’s internal continuity, so much of what happens here would make more sense if it was Kup rather than Arcee in this role. Except of course, Kup would never be allowed to be written as such a pathetic and idiotic character.
Before leaving this sequence though, it is worth mentioning that towards the end of the issue Arcee does get to take charge of a small squad running interference whilst Hot Rod works to save the day. In theory this should both allow her to redeem herself for her failure at the start of the story and the comic itself for its rampant sexism. In practice though it’s two panels and the actual important action is happening elsewhere. This does very little to balance the scales.
More cheerfully, once Hot Rod shots his hot lasers from the phalluses on his arms because of the impact a woman has had on him things pick up. True, we cut to a full page of exposition where Ghyrik recaps the plot so far to a room full of people who already know it, but the important thing is the exposition s being delivered in a new way rather than needlessly cutting back to Quintesson. Ghyrik’s sheer smugness during this sequence is quite delicious as well.
I must admit though, I am biased towards this page as I own the original art for it on my wall, the first such piece I ever owned when I picked it up from Lee Sullivan at Auto Assembly in 2004. Despite its recap nature though, there are some nice details here, including the sight of the rest of Rodimus’s squad we didn’t see last week taking on Quintessons as seen on Ghyrik’s TV wall. Grimlock partaking of gonzo violence is to be expected, but seeing Cosmos as a true psychotic badass is well worth the cover price, however small.
The real highlight of the issue though is an incredibly ghoulish yet well thought out bit of logic on Furman’s part. Hot Rod needs help to get to “Central Control” (we’ll overlook the fact he and Arcee managed to get from the moat to the roof with no real problems so it’s hard to see anywhere else in the city being an issue) and knows all of Blaster’s cassettes bar Eject were on Earth with him. So he opens up the (seemingly, readers at the time wouldn’t have known he’d be better in a few weeks) dead Blaster’s chest just to get Rewind—yay!—Steeljaw and Ramhorn out. Hot Rod: children’s hero and corpse robber.
More cheerfully, once Hot Rod shots his hot lasers from the phalluses on his arms because of the impact a woman has had on him things pick up. True, we cut to a full page of exposition where Ghyrik recaps the plot so far to a room full of people who already know it, but the important thing is the exposition s being delivered in a new way rather than needlessly cutting back to Quintesson. Ghyrik’s sheer smugness during this sequence is quite delicious as well.
I must admit though, I am biased towards this page as I own the original art for it on my wall, the first such piece I ever owned when I picked it up from Lee Sullivan at Auto Assembly in 2004. Despite its recap nature though, there are some nice details here, including the sight of the rest of Rodimus’s squad we didn’t see last week taking on Quintessons as seen on Ghyrik’s TV wall. Grimlock partaking of gonzo violence is to be expected, but seeing Cosmos as a true psychotic badass is well worth the cover price, however small.
The real highlight of the issue though is an incredibly ghoulish yet well thought out bit of logic on Furman’s part. Hot Rod needs help to get to “Central Control” (we’ll overlook the fact he and Arcee managed to get from the moat to the roof with no real problems so it’s hard to see anywhere else in the city being an issue) and knows all of Blaster’s cassettes bar Eject were on Earth with him. So he opens up the (seemingly, readers at the time wouldn’t have known he’d be better in a few weeks) dead Blaster’s chest just to get Rewind—yay!—Steeljaw and Ramhorn out. Hot Rod: children’s hero and corpse robber.
Yes, it is somewhat silly that three tapes are more useful to Hot Rod than just him calling on the troops he brought with him, certainly in later years the idea that Grimlock would be reduced to a one panel cameo would never happen. But that at least makes it feel a bit fresh and the idea has been well set up with the establishment of the tapes last week and the imagery is exquisite.
Amidst all this we have two cutaway scenes. The first visits Cybertron and sees the Decepticons on the point of total defeat. Writing in a week where the UK has decided, that after more than a decade of failing to end terrorism by bombing the Middle East, we should try to end terrorism by bombing the Middle East, the temptation is to find some edgy way of referencing current events in this sequence of a failed military action. Unfortunately it’s an analogy that fails utterly as in the world of the Transformers turning up with more guns does solve the problem as the Autobots arrive to turn the tide. Perhaps David Cameron should have spent less time reading this comic and more paying attention to where his Labour predecessors screwed up (though I suppose being known as the new Tony Blair is better than being known as the Prime Minister who stuck his penis in a pig).
Up to the minute humour aside—it’ll be interesting to see if I have to change the above for the book version because of it turning out bombing Syria was a sensible thing to do (I won’t)—the Big Damn Hero panel of Ultra Magnus after he saves Soundwave from a sniper is Lee Sullivan at his best. Amusingly after my comments about the Terrorcons being the most featured post-1986 characters in the future stories, the Technobots are with Magnus and though they don’t do much here it does remind me Scattershot has a decent sized role in Time Wars.
Amidst all this we have two cutaway scenes. The first visits Cybertron and sees the Decepticons on the point of total defeat. Writing in a week where the UK has decided, that after more than a decade of failing to end terrorism by bombing the Middle East, we should try to end terrorism by bombing the Middle East, the temptation is to find some edgy way of referencing current events in this sequence of a failed military action. Unfortunately it’s an analogy that fails utterly as in the world of the Transformers turning up with more guns does solve the problem as the Autobots arrive to turn the tide. Perhaps David Cameron should have spent less time reading this comic and more paying attention to where his Labour predecessors screwed up (though I suppose being known as the new Tony Blair is better than being known as the Prime Minister who stuck his penis in a pig).
Up to the minute humour aside—it’ll be interesting to see if I have to change the above for the book version because of it turning out bombing Syria was a sensible thing to do (I won’t)—the Big Damn Hero panel of Ultra Magnus after he saves Soundwave from a sniper is Lee Sullivan at his best. Amusingly after my comments about the Terrorcons being the most featured post-1986 characters in the future stories, the Technobots are with Magnus and though they don’t do much here it does remind me Scattershot has a decent sized role in Time Wars.
We also finally get some movement on the Wreck-Gar plot as he and Wheelie arrive at the asteroid where he hid the canister to find fellow Junkions and a transmitter waiting. I’m not entirely sure how they knew to do that when his original plan was just to take it to Rodimus and he didn’t have chance to call them to set up a backup (and if he did, why he didn’t just have them either carry on his mission or transmit the data right away), but it’s not as if their—albeit entertaining—Jimmy Hill dialogue is easy to follow.
The big thing this issue, in every way, is the ending. It was blown by both the Next Week box last issue, the cover here and the Transformation page. Effectively the only people who wouldn’t know Metroplex was coming would be kids who hadn’t heard of him, but they’d be the ones unexcited by the promise of his arrival.
Still, whilst the wake up process seems contrived (it appears Metroplex can’t act under his own authority and would have just sat there as everyone got killed if Hot Rod hadn’t managed to reach the control room), the sequence of him ripping his way out of the ruins of the city he’s built into—complete with Autobot corpses strapped to his leg—is perfectly pulled off and makes for a pleasing turning the tables cliff-hanger, especially as Ghyrik’s smugness is rather wonderfully undone.
This is overall the most solid issue yet of this story, despite the weakness of the Arcee stuff there’s enough pure entertainment here to carry the eleven pages through even if the three way plot is still rather bitty. Lee Sullivan also excels on the art, providing memorable image after memorable image, and we’re not even at his greatest moment in this story. It might be too late, but it finally feels as if Space Pirates! has started.
Though I do have some memories of this issue as a kid (though the first one to really stick in my mind after the first is three weeks away. See if you can guess why), it’s the free gift that really stood out for me. Having not been around when the Transformers sticker album was given away as a gift and entranced so many readers, it was down to the exciting Action Force book to develop my love of this form of entertainment.
The big thing this issue, in every way, is the ending. It was blown by both the Next Week box last issue, the cover here and the Transformation page. Effectively the only people who wouldn’t know Metroplex was coming would be kids who hadn’t heard of him, but they’d be the ones unexcited by the promise of his arrival.
Still, whilst the wake up process seems contrived (it appears Metroplex can’t act under his own authority and would have just sat there as everyone got killed if Hot Rod hadn’t managed to reach the control room), the sequence of him ripping his way out of the ruins of the city he’s built into—complete with Autobot corpses strapped to his leg—is perfectly pulled off and makes for a pleasing turning the tables cliff-hanger, especially as Ghyrik’s smugness is rather wonderfully undone.
This is overall the most solid issue yet of this story, despite the weakness of the Arcee stuff there’s enough pure entertainment here to carry the eleven pages through even if the three way plot is still rather bitty. Lee Sullivan also excels on the art, providing memorable image after memorable image, and we’re not even at his greatest moment in this story. It might be too late, but it finally feels as if Space Pirates! has started.
Though I do have some memories of this issue as a kid (though the first one to really stick in my mind after the first is three weeks away. See if you can guess why), it’s the free gift that really stood out for me. Having not been around when the Transformers sticker album was given away as a gift and entranced so many readers, it was down to the exciting Action Force book to develop my love of this form of entertainment.
Though by “Love” I mean “I tried it for a few weeks, found it frustrating and gave up”, but the thought was there. I now can’t remember what the sicker album looked like, but it would likely have been amongst my first exposure to Action Force as I actually didn’t see any of the cartoon on video until the ‘90’s (simply due to lack of interest) and it’s absent from the book at this point. Transformation claims this is an attempt to appease desperate Action Force fans missing their heroes, but whilst I’m sure both of them were happy for the placebo I suspect it’s more due to wanting to replicate the sales boost given by the previous time a sticker album was given away.
Transformation also takes the time to give a full list of this year’s Annuals from Marvel, including the “First” (and ultimately only) Visionaries hardback that will be the second of three times the first issue will see print.
Speaking of Visionaries, the final part of the first segment for the hunt for the Matrix...err... Talisman sees the Darkling Lords succeed in their goal of grabbing the orb, but Cryotek isn’t that bothered because Galadria and her dolphin are all that can excite his bear. As a sign Visionaries was at least mildly more proactive than Transformers when it came to the women, Galadria does manage to be slightly more than just a love interest as she pushes her healing power to the limit to restore the village that had depended on the Talisman even though it risks her death. Indeed, though being the healer is a rather stereotypical female role, she’s actively more useful to the plot than her male counterpart, compared to the lead strip it feels like it was written by Germaine Greer.
Dreadwind is still having to deal with Grimlock’s leftovers (though he claims this is the last of it), and gets two separate letters from Scott Richardson of Spittal and Paul Mills of Ramsgate asking about characters (specifically Thundercracker and Shrapnel) who turn up in the movie after their seeming transformation into other characters. Unsurprisingly Dreadwind’s response is basically “It’s from the people who made the cartoon, what did you expect?”
Speaking of the cartoon, Colin Craig from Belfast asks when it will be returning to TV, to which Dreadwind can only reply “Soon”, which is something that will turn out to be a rather big lie. Luckily for those desperate for their animated fix, Tempo video is on hand with a full page advert for the latest VHS releases, using the catchy tagline “Video is fun”.
Though Action Force: The Movie is the main focus, we also get an Action Adventure Collection which boasts “Previously unreleased” episodes of Action Force, Transformers and Inhumanoids (not only do I wonder what would be on there that wasn’t on the previous Inhumanoids: The Movie, but considering the show was a serial and the run time is only 66 minutes presumably whatever is included makes no sense). Most pertinently though, as it lets the bulk of UK children see some “Regular” season 3 episodes for the first time, is the release of Dark Awakening and Grimlock’s New Brain. This not only puts the best episode of the series out there, it means children can almost immediately see one of the sources for the “Rodimus loses the Matrix and becomes Hot Rod” aspect of the main strip’s plot. One strange selling point in the advert is the claim this is “The only new Transformers release this autumn”, would that really be the sort of thing to excite children? Especially considering the fact that, whilst possibly technically true, it’s directly opposite the Action Adventure tape with a new episode on it.
Combat Colin and Semi-Automatic Steve are asked for their autograph by an adoring fan, with Steve responding by breaking his pen before “signing” his name with a machine gun across the side of her house. I hope this is how Lew Stringer signs everything. It’s certainly how I intend to sign all future books.
Speaking of which, my annual Christmas quiz will hopefully be up and running in the next weeks or so, whilst it’s starting late this year a signed copy of The Book will likely be a prize. How exciting.
ISSUE 185
1988
COMMENT
Transformation also takes the time to give a full list of this year’s Annuals from Marvel, including the “First” (and ultimately only) Visionaries hardback that will be the second of three times the first issue will see print.
Speaking of Visionaries, the final part of the first segment for the hunt for the Matrix...err... Talisman sees the Darkling Lords succeed in their goal of grabbing the orb, but Cryotek isn’t that bothered because Galadria and her dolphin are all that can excite his bear. As a sign Visionaries was at least mildly more proactive than Transformers when it came to the women, Galadria does manage to be slightly more than just a love interest as she pushes her healing power to the limit to restore the village that had depended on the Talisman even though it risks her death. Indeed, though being the healer is a rather stereotypical female role, she’s actively more useful to the plot than her male counterpart, compared to the lead strip it feels like it was written by Germaine Greer.
Dreadwind is still having to deal with Grimlock’s leftovers (though he claims this is the last of it), and gets two separate letters from Scott Richardson of Spittal and Paul Mills of Ramsgate asking about characters (specifically Thundercracker and Shrapnel) who turn up in the movie after their seeming transformation into other characters. Unsurprisingly Dreadwind’s response is basically “It’s from the people who made the cartoon, what did you expect?”
Speaking of the cartoon, Colin Craig from Belfast asks when it will be returning to TV, to which Dreadwind can only reply “Soon”, which is something that will turn out to be a rather big lie. Luckily for those desperate for their animated fix, Tempo video is on hand with a full page advert for the latest VHS releases, using the catchy tagline “Video is fun”.
Though Action Force: The Movie is the main focus, we also get an Action Adventure Collection which boasts “Previously unreleased” episodes of Action Force, Transformers and Inhumanoids (not only do I wonder what would be on there that wasn’t on the previous Inhumanoids: The Movie, but considering the show was a serial and the run time is only 66 minutes presumably whatever is included makes no sense). Most pertinently though, as it lets the bulk of UK children see some “Regular” season 3 episodes for the first time, is the release of Dark Awakening and Grimlock’s New Brain. This not only puts the best episode of the series out there, it means children can almost immediately see one of the sources for the “Rodimus loses the Matrix and becomes Hot Rod” aspect of the main strip’s plot. One strange selling point in the advert is the claim this is “The only new Transformers release this autumn”, would that really be the sort of thing to excite children? Especially considering the fact that, whilst possibly technically true, it’s directly opposite the Action Adventure tape with a new episode on it.
Combat Colin and Semi-Automatic Steve are asked for their autograph by an adoring fan, with Steve responding by breaking his pen before “signing” his name with a machine gun across the side of her house. I hope this is how Lew Stringer signs everything. It’s certainly how I intend to sign all future books.
Speaking of which, my annual Christmas quiz will hopefully be up and running in the next weeks or so, whilst it’s starting late this year a signed copy of The Book will likely be a prize. How exciting.
ISSUE 185
1988
COMMENT