This Thing it Never Could be, for I Have Turned Robber all on the Salt Sea.
Issue 128: Buster Witwicky and the Car Wash of Doom Part 1. 22nd August 1987.
I hear it’s supposed to be pretty wild!
It may have taken two years, but we’ve finally gotten the long desired follow up to Raiders of the Last Ark. What a shame the comic had other issues facing it in 1989 that stopped it continue the punning, if James Roberts is reading this could we please have The Last Crusadercon and Kingdom of the Crystal Skullgrin to round of the set and thus complete my otherwise empty and worthless life?
Of course, as much as this issue may seem as if Budiansky had come up with the title first and then twisted the story around it, this actually has a very specific purpose to achieve that often gets overlooked: To reintroduce the long absent from the U.S. series Witwicky’s before Spike arrives (some seven issues after this in the American printing, though at the point this was written it was only intended to be five).
This actually represents a severe sea change in what Bob could and couldn’t do when it came to making decisions on how to feature characters. Last year he was able to cheerfully ignore an entire wave of toys based on the Movie with little resistance from Hasbro. Here though, even though to all intents and purposes Spike and Buster are just the same character in different media, it’s obvious that any request on his part to just call Fortress Maximus’ Headmaster Buster in the comic was flat out denied and he was going to have to go down the contrived never before mentioned sibling route. Even though the Spike figure was hardly a major selling point of the massive Autobot, from now on the important Hasbro made toys have to be featured no matter what.
Of course, what Bob would likely have much rather done (as it’s a fair bet the toy being called Spike wasn’t down to him) is continue to feature the Nebulon he’d created to be partnered with Fortress Maximus, but that’s a discussion for another time.
I hear it’s supposed to be pretty wild!
It may have taken two years, but we’ve finally gotten the long desired follow up to Raiders of the Last Ark. What a shame the comic had other issues facing it in 1989 that stopped it continue the punning, if James Roberts is reading this could we please have The Last Crusadercon and Kingdom of the Crystal Skullgrin to round of the set and thus complete my otherwise empty and worthless life?
Of course, as much as this issue may seem as if Budiansky had come up with the title first and then twisted the story around it, this actually has a very specific purpose to achieve that often gets overlooked: To reintroduce the long absent from the U.S. series Witwicky’s before Spike arrives (some seven issues after this in the American printing, though at the point this was written it was only intended to be five).
This actually represents a severe sea change in what Bob could and couldn’t do when it came to making decisions on how to feature characters. Last year he was able to cheerfully ignore an entire wave of toys based on the Movie with little resistance from Hasbro. Here though, even though to all intents and purposes Spike and Buster are just the same character in different media, it’s obvious that any request on his part to just call Fortress Maximus’ Headmaster Buster in the comic was flat out denied and he was going to have to go down the contrived never before mentioned sibling route. Even though the Spike figure was hardly a major selling point of the massive Autobot, from now on the important Hasbro made toys have to be featured no matter what.
Of course, what Bob would likely have much rather done (as it’s a fair bet the toy being called Spike wasn’t down to him) is continue to feature the Nebulon he’d created to be partnered with Fortress Maximus, but that’s a discussion for another time.
BURN.
Before we reacquaint ourselves with our human friends though, we open on a surprisingly tense sequence of the Decepticons capturing a Blackrock oil tanker and bringing it back to their island base. At first this seems oddly serious happening under the groan inducing gag of a title (complete with the correct Temple of Doom typeface), but once the tanker arrives and we have Shockwave and Ratbat squabbling over the former’s effectiveness as a leader, the truth is quickly revealed.
Yes, it turns out the Decepticons have stoles a completely empty tanker, something Ratbat gleefully reveals right after Shockwave has boasted about how awesome he is as leader. Before we even get into the really silly stuff this is where readers will know for sure whether they’re going to roll with this issue’s style. This is clearly an utterly ludicrous thing on every level (would Shockwave really not coordinate better to send his troops after tankers that have picked up their cargo? Would even Ramjet not notice this?), but this is an out and out comedy issue that makes no pretence of being related to common sense, if you don’t enjoy the jokes there’s going to be very little here for you.
As a result, in terms of reputation, this is considered pretty much the nadir of Bob’s run, vying with Shooting Star! for that dubious “The Spock’s Brain of Transformers” honour. Indeed, when he first started doing interviews on the subject at the turn of the century, Bob himself would specifically mention this issue when discussing what he discovered when Googling himself for the first time, and how surprised he was at the amount of bile aimed at his direction by people who were now about 15 years too old to be reading what he’d written as a silly kid’s comic.
Now, my love of incredibly terrible puns is well known, so it is perhaps hardly surprising that I feel some sympathy for this opening gag. Whilst it makes no logical sense, it’s how Bob has Ratbat milk every possible bit of mockery of Shockwave that really makes the scene work (“My mechfangs have sampled all types of fuel from many worlds Shockwave, but this vessel carries fuel of a vintage yet to be distilled—it’s empty!”) and turns the sequence into an utter delight.
It’s when we move onto the human side of things the issue takes a stumble. It turns out the Witwicky’s have taken out a licence for G.B. Blackrock’s new car wash franchise (“Wash and roll”) and are making insanely huge wads of cash despite odd things like Sparkplug needing to fill his car with petrol twice in an hour and a massive gas shortage across the Pacific Northwest. Even stranger, the also back in action Jessie is sensibly dressed for once and is taking part in clumsy exposition with Buster about his exciting adventures with the Transformers and how Buster doesn’t want to go back to that in case Jazz tries to cook his dad again.
Things are even stranger over at Blackrock Enterprises, where not only is G.B. giving a marginally sinister brainwashed press conference about his new car washes and how he’s about to roll out the Mark II, he’s also dressed as the Riddler thanks to Nelson Yomtov having no sense of sartorial elegance. Though the fact he’s carrying Ratbat- effectively the evil dictator of an entire planet- about in his pocket for no real reason is another silly gag that manages to appeal to my limited sense of humour.
Yes, it turns out the Decepticons have stoles a completely empty tanker, something Ratbat gleefully reveals right after Shockwave has boasted about how awesome he is as leader. Before we even get into the really silly stuff this is where readers will know for sure whether they’re going to roll with this issue’s style. This is clearly an utterly ludicrous thing on every level (would Shockwave really not coordinate better to send his troops after tankers that have picked up their cargo? Would even Ramjet not notice this?), but this is an out and out comedy issue that makes no pretence of being related to common sense, if you don’t enjoy the jokes there’s going to be very little here for you.
As a result, in terms of reputation, this is considered pretty much the nadir of Bob’s run, vying with Shooting Star! for that dubious “The Spock’s Brain of Transformers” honour. Indeed, when he first started doing interviews on the subject at the turn of the century, Bob himself would specifically mention this issue when discussing what he discovered when Googling himself for the first time, and how surprised he was at the amount of bile aimed at his direction by people who were now about 15 years too old to be reading what he’d written as a silly kid’s comic.
Now, my love of incredibly terrible puns is well known, so it is perhaps hardly surprising that I feel some sympathy for this opening gag. Whilst it makes no logical sense, it’s how Bob has Ratbat milk every possible bit of mockery of Shockwave that really makes the scene work (“My mechfangs have sampled all types of fuel from many worlds Shockwave, but this vessel carries fuel of a vintage yet to be distilled—it’s empty!”) and turns the sequence into an utter delight.
It’s when we move onto the human side of things the issue takes a stumble. It turns out the Witwicky’s have taken out a licence for G.B. Blackrock’s new car wash franchise (“Wash and roll”) and are making insanely huge wads of cash despite odd things like Sparkplug needing to fill his car with petrol twice in an hour and a massive gas shortage across the Pacific Northwest. Even stranger, the also back in action Jessie is sensibly dressed for once and is taking part in clumsy exposition with Buster about his exciting adventures with the Transformers and how Buster doesn’t want to go back to that in case Jazz tries to cook his dad again.
Things are even stranger over at Blackrock Enterprises, where not only is G.B. giving a marginally sinister brainwashed press conference about his new car washes and how he’s about to roll out the Mark II, he’s also dressed as the Riddler thanks to Nelson Yomtov having no sense of sartorial elegance. Though the fact he’s carrying Ratbat- effectively the evil dictator of an entire planet- about in his pocket for no real reason is another silly gag that manages to appeal to my limited sense of humour.
The scary thing is, Sparkplug will owe him an apology next week.
Up to now though, the human plot has been a bit dull and full of terrible exposition. It’s when Jessie returns to Sparkplug’s at night so Buster can take her through the carwash that things get completely and utterly insane.
Yes, it’s not a normal carwash. It’s an evil brainwashing disco carwash. We’ll talk more fully about the logic behind Ratbat’s plan next week, but that’s not a sentence you’re going to hear every day and if nothing else, Bob deserves credit for his imagination.
Luckily for Buster, the brainwashing doesn’t work on him, presumably because the blood is rushing away from his head as he ties tongues with Jessie (amazingly, this is the second erotic scene we’ve had in an Uncle Bob issue set around washing a car, considering Jessie has always felt like she was channelling that girl in high school who wouldn’t date him I think we’re getting a deeper look into his fantasy life here than is perhaps good) , but much as Robot Master cock blocked Skids the mind control kicking in means Buster is left with no choice but to follow her after she calls their snogging session off.
It’s actually lucky Buster lives in the sort of world where evil brainwashing disco carwashes exist, because in reality if I were to start following a woman who hurriedly called off a date with me that would be called “Stalking”. Still, that’s our cliff-hanger, Buster on heat driving behind Jessie as she goes to Blackrock’s plant in the hope he might still get a shag.
Thus far, this is much better than its reputation would suggest (though my memory is things fall apart in the second half, it’ll be interesting to see if that is the case), with only the bits that try to play like a normal “Serious” (and that’s a relative term) Budiansky issue not really working very well. It’s silly and arguably stupid, but in the right frame of mind there’s nothing not to love about an evil brainwashing disco carwash.
Yes, it’s not a normal carwash. It’s an evil brainwashing disco carwash. We’ll talk more fully about the logic behind Ratbat’s plan next week, but that’s not a sentence you’re going to hear every day and if nothing else, Bob deserves credit for his imagination.
Luckily for Buster, the brainwashing doesn’t work on him, presumably because the blood is rushing away from his head as he ties tongues with Jessie (amazingly, this is the second erotic scene we’ve had in an Uncle Bob issue set around washing a car, considering Jessie has always felt like she was channelling that girl in high school who wouldn’t date him I think we’re getting a deeper look into his fantasy life here than is perhaps good) , but much as Robot Master cock blocked Skids the mind control kicking in means Buster is left with no choice but to follow her after she calls their snogging session off.
It’s actually lucky Buster lives in the sort of world where evil brainwashing disco carwashes exist, because in reality if I were to start following a woman who hurriedly called off a date with me that would be called “Stalking”. Still, that’s our cliff-hanger, Buster on heat driving behind Jessie as she goes to Blackrock’s plant in the hope he might still get a shag.
Thus far, this is much better than its reputation would suggest (though my memory is things fall apart in the second half, it’ll be interesting to see if that is the case), with only the bits that try to play like a normal “Serious” (and that’s a relative term) Budiansky issue not really working very well. It’s silly and arguably stupid, but in the right frame of mind there’s nothing not to love about an evil brainwashing disco carwash.
"Just stick The Girl Who Loved Powerglide in a Headmasters box".
Transformation seems to lean towards the more negative view of this story, and tries desperately to make it seem exciting by talking up the idea of the Decepticons returning to their old fuel stealing ways. The Next Week advert for Part 2 actually takes the more sensible approach of promoting this as an out and out comedy complete with puns that make even me wince (it also once again uses a recoloured version of the American cover).
Of more interest to the editorial team is the ever closing “Cover to cover” Transformers starting with issue 130, which will be celebrated by a video competition across that issue and issue 131 for Headmasters videos. It’ll be interesting to see how that will work considering that, according to the Wiki, Rebirth won’t be broadcast in America till November- or basically a month after those issues come out. Either winners will have a long wait for their prizes (even if Hasbro UK did a rush release to tie in with the toys it’s hard to see how, in those slower VHS days, it could come out much earlier than January) or the tape is going to be something else entirely.
Amusingly, and a sign of the more usual lead in time on things coming to video at the time, the VHS of Transformers: The Movie won’t be a competition prize until issue 133. All I can think at this stage is that, with the comic promoting this as a Video Gems contest whilst the Headmasters one is a Hasbro competition... Are Hasbro UK just going to make a bootleg tape for the winner?
Grimlock gets some especially interesting letters this week, first acknowledging to Lance Jacob from Faversham that the feedback on the end of Fire on High! has not been all favourable. Apparently it wasn’t about trying to make kids buy the Annual, it was about making the book the best value for money possible. Hmm.
Leo Clarey and Michael Mullane from London send in a joint letter that is the first time in a very long time the American comic has been acknowledged asking about two issues of the parent title they have picked up, specifically how the Headmasters have managed to appear in America first and why one was a reprint of Man of Iron. Based on Grimlock’s response it seems many readers have recently discovered the US series (presumably as the audience ages more and more are venturing into their local comic book shop for the first time), so he basically uses this opportunity to tell everyone not to buy it as “All the stories they contain are featured in this comic”. Note how he very carefully words that so that even when acknowledging the parent book he doesn’t actually come out and say which title is the source of those shared stories. Grimlock also puts down the Man of Iron reprint to the Americans finally realising how good the British comic is.
To round things off we get a short but telling reply to Graeme Womack from Winnersh revealing that Death’s Head will be back in five weeks time. The Marvel UK “Shared Universe” is about to move slowing towards its creation and inevitable doom.
AtoZ covers Cosmos and Dead End, and I have to say how much I love Cosmos’ profile. It’s such a shame it’s taken until recent issues of Robots in Disguise for the chubby loner who likes scaring the shit out of American farmers by buzzing their houses in his UFO form to get any decent screen time in a comic.
The third part of Iron Man is mainly given over to a rather fun underwater fight between Stark and some Soviet drones. Those playing Cold War Bingo will be pleased to note the number one cliché of any spy shenanigans set on or near water- the “Innocent” Russian trawler that is hovering nearby to observe things- is present and correct.
Next week, will Buster get his shag? But before that, on Wednesday we return to Action Force and the conclusion of the crossover that will probably involve no characters motivated by a raging hard on.
Also, my video with my thoughts on London Film and Comic Con and meeting Bob Budiansky is now up and can be viewed HERE.
ADDENDUM 8
1987
COMMENT
Of more interest to the editorial team is the ever closing “Cover to cover” Transformers starting with issue 130, which will be celebrated by a video competition across that issue and issue 131 for Headmasters videos. It’ll be interesting to see how that will work considering that, according to the Wiki, Rebirth won’t be broadcast in America till November- or basically a month after those issues come out. Either winners will have a long wait for their prizes (even if Hasbro UK did a rush release to tie in with the toys it’s hard to see how, in those slower VHS days, it could come out much earlier than January) or the tape is going to be something else entirely.
Amusingly, and a sign of the more usual lead in time on things coming to video at the time, the VHS of Transformers: The Movie won’t be a competition prize until issue 133. All I can think at this stage is that, with the comic promoting this as a Video Gems contest whilst the Headmasters one is a Hasbro competition... Are Hasbro UK just going to make a bootleg tape for the winner?
Grimlock gets some especially interesting letters this week, first acknowledging to Lance Jacob from Faversham that the feedback on the end of Fire on High! has not been all favourable. Apparently it wasn’t about trying to make kids buy the Annual, it was about making the book the best value for money possible. Hmm.
Leo Clarey and Michael Mullane from London send in a joint letter that is the first time in a very long time the American comic has been acknowledged asking about two issues of the parent title they have picked up, specifically how the Headmasters have managed to appear in America first and why one was a reprint of Man of Iron. Based on Grimlock’s response it seems many readers have recently discovered the US series (presumably as the audience ages more and more are venturing into their local comic book shop for the first time), so he basically uses this opportunity to tell everyone not to buy it as “All the stories they contain are featured in this comic”. Note how he very carefully words that so that even when acknowledging the parent book he doesn’t actually come out and say which title is the source of those shared stories. Grimlock also puts down the Man of Iron reprint to the Americans finally realising how good the British comic is.
To round things off we get a short but telling reply to Graeme Womack from Winnersh revealing that Death’s Head will be back in five weeks time. The Marvel UK “Shared Universe” is about to move slowing towards its creation and inevitable doom.
AtoZ covers Cosmos and Dead End, and I have to say how much I love Cosmos’ profile. It’s such a shame it’s taken until recent issues of Robots in Disguise for the chubby loner who likes scaring the shit out of American farmers by buzzing their houses in his UFO form to get any decent screen time in a comic.
The third part of Iron Man is mainly given over to a rather fun underwater fight between Stark and some Soviet drones. Those playing Cold War Bingo will be pleased to note the number one cliché of any spy shenanigans set on or near water- the “Innocent” Russian trawler that is hovering nearby to observe things- is present and correct.
Next week, will Buster get his shag? But before that, on Wednesday we return to Action Force and the conclusion of the crossover that will probably involve no characters motivated by a raging hard on.
Also, my video with my thoughts on London Film and Comic Con and meeting Bob Budiansky is now up and can be viewed HERE.
ADDENDUM 8
1987
COMMENT
