The Moonraker Goes, in Search of His Dream of Gold.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon. 29th June 2011.
It’s the one where Spock goes nuts.
We’re just coming up to this film’s ninth anniversary, and the fact that there’s clearly a word missing from the title of this film (probably “Side” as that was what it was called in several territories, did Pink Floyd object?) still really bugs me. Dark of the Moon is a technically accurate astronomical term, but it doesn’t really roll off the tongue very neatly.
It did however roll straight to the top of the box-office charts. The success of this film cannot be understated. There are, as of the time of writing and according to Wikipedia, 45 movies that have made more than a billion dollars to date. Dark of the Moon is currently 25th on that list. At its peak, it was the fourth most successful film (not adjusted for inflation) of all time.
That is insane.
It also shows that, whatever existing fans and critics thought of it, Revenge of the Fallen was an incredibly well loved film with general audiences, more than enough for them to come back in greater numbers. The fact the next film also made more than a billion (28th on that list, peak of tenth), shows that they enjoyed Dark of the Moon a lot as well. Of course, that’s where the wheels start to come off, but here we’re at the absolute peak of Transformers popularity as brand.
But popular, as those pre-existing fans will tell you, is never the same as being good. Just ask Avatar. So how does the third film stack up?
Well, as with the second, I think that all the negativity that gets thrown at the films means I’d kind of forgotten how much I genuinely enjoy it. It really is a great rollicking romp of a film that generally holds up pretty well.
So, because I’m guessing most of you don’t need a blow by blow plot breakdown, let’s deal with the stuff that doesn’t work first.
It’s the one where Spock goes nuts.
We’re just coming up to this film’s ninth anniversary, and the fact that there’s clearly a word missing from the title of this film (probably “Side” as that was what it was called in several territories, did Pink Floyd object?) still really bugs me. Dark of the Moon is a technically accurate astronomical term, but it doesn’t really roll off the tongue very neatly.
It did however roll straight to the top of the box-office charts. The success of this film cannot be understated. There are, as of the time of writing and according to Wikipedia, 45 movies that have made more than a billion dollars to date. Dark of the Moon is currently 25th on that list. At its peak, it was the fourth most successful film (not adjusted for inflation) of all time.
That is insane.
It also shows that, whatever existing fans and critics thought of it, Revenge of the Fallen was an incredibly well loved film with general audiences, more than enough for them to come back in greater numbers. The fact the next film also made more than a billion (28th on that list, peak of tenth), shows that they enjoyed Dark of the Moon a lot as well. Of course, that’s where the wheels start to come off, but here we’re at the absolute peak of Transformers popularity as brand.
But popular, as those pre-existing fans will tell you, is never the same as being good. Just ask Avatar. So how does the third film stack up?
Well, as with the second, I think that all the negativity that gets thrown at the films means I’d kind of forgotten how much I genuinely enjoy it. It really is a great rollicking romp of a film that generally holds up pretty well.
So, because I’m guessing most of you don’t need a blow by blow plot breakdown, let’s deal with the stuff that doesn’t work first.
Soundwave only drives along the Fury road.
Starting with the big one: Carly. It’s amusing there were fans who insisted when the first one came out it would be a better film if the female lead had the name of the one from the cartoon considering how much worse things got when this happened. Rosie Huntington-Whitely has since put Mad Max under her belt to show she can act (though she must have taken a lot of lessons), but here she’s a walking plank of wood, with the camera going even more over the top on her ass to try and compensate.
The real problem though is that writer Ehren Kruger clearly put a script together with Mikaela in it and barely rewrote it outside of a new introductory scene for the new character. There’s a bit of an attempt at a subplot about her dealing with the grief of her dead brother, but generally this is a new character treated as an old one and that oddly unbalances many scenes, to the point just recasting would have made more sense.
This is most obvious right at the end, where Megatron’s entire change of heart relies on a conversation with someone he doesn’t know. With Mikaela, there might be some mutual respect, or at least knowledge of her there. With Carly he’d be entirely justified in going “Who are you?”.
Also, because after two films of largely being the damsel in distress, this is supposed to be Sam’s growing up story, she’s largely a hostage for most of the movie in a way that would be more acceptable as quid pro quo for Mikaela after constantly saving him, but instead makes the new lead looks rather weak in comparison.
The real problem though is that writer Ehren Kruger clearly put a script together with Mikaela in it and barely rewrote it outside of a new introductory scene for the new character. There’s a bit of an attempt at a subplot about her dealing with the grief of her dead brother, but generally this is a new character treated as an old one and that oddly unbalances many scenes, to the point just recasting would have made more sense.
This is most obvious right at the end, where Megatron’s entire change of heart relies on a conversation with someone he doesn’t know. With Mikaela, there might be some mutual respect, or at least knowledge of her there. With Carly he’d be entirely justified in going “Who are you?”.
Also, because after two films of largely being the damsel in distress, this is supposed to be Sam’s growing up story, she’s largely a hostage for most of the movie in a way that would be more acceptable as quid pro quo for Mikaela after constantly saving him, but instead makes the new lead looks rather weak in comparison.
Guy who once punched someone saying the Moon Landing was a conspiracy appears to say the Moon Landing was a conspiracy.
The use of real living memory history is also quite odd. The Moon Landing being a conspiracy is old hat stuff, getting the actual Buzz Aldrin to show up and agree with it is bizarre. And “Transformers caused Chernobyl” is somewhat uncomfortable feeling, like we’re only a step away from “Transformers caused 9/11”.
Mind, Chernobyl is now closer to the Moon Landing that to today, so maybe it does count as old history...
It also shares a structural flaw with Bumblebee, although in a more minor way as it only takes up half an hour rather than the entire movie, of the opening sequence on Cybertron explaining the entire mystery the characters then investigate. It’s the 1996 Doctor Who TV Movie issue, and if the first we’d heard of the NASA involvement had been when Buzz Aldrin explained it, the story would flow better and it might even justify his presence.
And on a more minor level, the whole business of Sam finding a new job is incredibly overdrawn and largely unfunny, with probably the worst casual racism and homophobia of the series with the “Wong” stuff. Plus Jon Malkovich seemingly ad-libbing all his dialogue and having a completely random kung-fu fight with Bumblebee for no reason other than him presumably having done the film for some young relatives and insisted on a scene with the main robot.
Indeed, either because of less chemistry with his new co-star or him having decided to go completely insane by this point, I’d say Shia LaBeouf gives his weakest performance here.
Mind, Chernobyl is now closer to the Moon Landing that to today, so maybe it does count as old history...
It also shares a structural flaw with Bumblebee, although in a more minor way as it only takes up half an hour rather than the entire movie, of the opening sequence on Cybertron explaining the entire mystery the characters then investigate. It’s the 1996 Doctor Who TV Movie issue, and if the first we’d heard of the NASA involvement had been when Buzz Aldrin explained it, the story would flow better and it might even justify his presence.
And on a more minor level, the whole business of Sam finding a new job is incredibly overdrawn and largely unfunny, with probably the worst casual racism and homophobia of the series with the “Wong” stuff. Plus Jon Malkovich seemingly ad-libbing all his dialogue and having a completely random kung-fu fight with Bumblebee for no reason other than him presumably having done the film for some young relatives and insisted on a scene with the main robot.
Indeed, either because of less chemistry with his new co-star or him having decided to go completely insane by this point, I’d say Shia LaBeouf gives his weakest performance here.
Better than IDW Shockwave.
Now, onto the pluses. And there’s a lot.
The action set pieces are all exceptionally well done (the move to 3D meaning less of the shaky-cam that defined the previous films), with the parachute suits into Chicago and resulting escape down the tilting building being the equivalent of the forest fight. As an action adventure film, this really is very hard to fault. To the point the entire Chicago climax was basically redone by ILM for The Avengers the following year.
And who’d have guessed in 2011 that Joss Whedon would end the decade slightly more loathed than Michael Bay?
The character work is generally very solid as well. Sam’s arc may have its weaknesses, but it makes sense and gets a nice pay-off, Dutch and Simmons are fantastic, Mearing is a brilliant twist on Galloway by being both right and a useful ally in the end (plus, a good role for a woman over forty and she doesn’t put up with sexual harassment from Simmons) and there’s lots of nice little moments like Epps having retired to a more sedate life. Everyone is a caricature, but they’re exactly the right sort of engaging caricature for this film.
This extends to the robots as well. Hugo Weaving gets his best moments as Megatron, just down at losing all the time in a way supervillains very rarely get to be, the shots of him just hanging in the desert with no direction are genuinely stunning as well.
Optimus gets to be tormented by betrayal by both a mentor and the humans he’s trusted, nicely setting him up for the next film.
The action set pieces are all exceptionally well done (the move to 3D meaning less of the shaky-cam that defined the previous films), with the parachute suits into Chicago and resulting escape down the tilting building being the equivalent of the forest fight. As an action adventure film, this really is very hard to fault. To the point the entire Chicago climax was basically redone by ILM for The Avengers the following year.
And who’d have guessed in 2011 that Joss Whedon would end the decade slightly more loathed than Michael Bay?
The character work is generally very solid as well. Sam’s arc may have its weaknesses, but it makes sense and gets a nice pay-off, Dutch and Simmons are fantastic, Mearing is a brilliant twist on Galloway by being both right and a useful ally in the end (plus, a good role for a woman over forty and she doesn’t put up with sexual harassment from Simmons) and there’s lots of nice little moments like Epps having retired to a more sedate life. Everyone is a caricature, but they’re exactly the right sort of engaging caricature for this film.
This extends to the robots as well. Hugo Weaving gets his best moments as Megatron, just down at losing all the time in a way supervillains very rarely get to be, the shots of him just hanging in the desert with no direction are genuinely stunning as well.
Optimus gets to be tormented by betrayal by both a mentor and the humans he’s trusted, nicely setting him up for the next film.
The Avengers (2012. Dir. Joss Whedon)
Of the others, Ironhide gets to remind up why we love him before horribly dying for a nice sucker punch moment. Starscream meanwhile is just a comedy character by this point, but his death by Sam is hilarious. And the killing of two “Proper” Transformers means the POW scene has more weight to it as the gloves feel off and someone you actually care about might bite the bullet.
And frankly the scene needs that, because otherwise it’s kind of odd the movie Decepticons would have to be prompted to execute prisoners. Though it’s nice to see Barricade again.
Of the others, Sideswipe and Ratchet have a couple of nice bits, Brains and Wheelie make for a funnier duo that the Twins (reduced to background cameos after their deaths were cut, thankfully. It would like a new Star Wars film bothering to bisect Jar Jar Binks) and Que is... well, I’m not sure what Que is. But I love him and he doesn’t deserve the joyless pedantry in the Wiki entry for the film calling him “Que/Wheeljack” consistently just because someone is pissy about falling for the misinformation campaign.
Speaking of the MBMC, on the ‘Con side we have Shockwave. Who may not be the lead villain, but is an amazing big brute with some great imagery. And Laserbeak is frankly terrifying (though these days half the fandom has a Decepticon they like to call “Daddy”).
Which brings us to Sentinel Prime and, I think, the most interesting aspect of the film: Its message.
At this stage, Sentinel wasn’t automatically a villain, in Animated and IDW he’d been an officious prick. Which is probably why there was a MBMC, but he really is one of the most vile and resonate to our world today bastards in the whole series.
And frankly the scene needs that, because otherwise it’s kind of odd the movie Decepticons would have to be prompted to execute prisoners. Though it’s nice to see Barricade again.
Of the others, Sideswipe and Ratchet have a couple of nice bits, Brains and Wheelie make for a funnier duo that the Twins (reduced to background cameos after their deaths were cut, thankfully. It would like a new Star Wars film bothering to bisect Jar Jar Binks) and Que is... well, I’m not sure what Que is. But I love him and he doesn’t deserve the joyless pedantry in the Wiki entry for the film calling him “Que/Wheeljack” consistently just because someone is pissy about falling for the misinformation campaign.
Speaking of the MBMC, on the ‘Con side we have Shockwave. Who may not be the lead villain, but is an amazing big brute with some great imagery. And Laserbeak is frankly terrifying (though these days half the fandom has a Decepticon they like to call “Daddy”).
Which brings us to Sentinel Prime and, I think, the most interesting aspect of the film: Its message.
At this stage, Sentinel wasn’t automatically a villain, in Animated and IDW he’d been an officious prick. Which is probably why there was a MBMC, but he really is one of the most vile and resonate to our world today bastards in the whole series.
Also better than the following IDW Sentinel Trump.
A leader who is in theory meant to embrace the “American” way (he is after all mentor to SPACE John Wayne), is a racist and bigot who can’t get over the glory days of his nation being over and is prepared to crush and enslave “inferiors” to try and achieve the promise of this impossible goal.
Just to make it more blatant, the human villains are rich white people in league with a foreign power to sell out their fellows for their own gain and turn everyone who isn’t them into a slave.
Who are based out of Trump tower at the end of the film.
And Patrick Dempsey is great as Dylan, perfectly switching from seeming to be a comedy antagonist for Sam in his silly subplot to a vile and real threat and adding a real sense of weariness to how he plays things. This is not a character excited about winning, just resigned to it.
It’s also clever for wrong-footing you about the film’s McGuffin being the Space Bridge pillars when it’s really man-power. And it meshes together two different plots from the cartoon pretty seamlessly to do it.
Writing a week after a UK election Johnson should not have won and the on the day Trump faces an impeachment he will almost certainly survive and the Western world keeps goose-stepping towards full on fascism, a film firmly against these self-serving bastards and with the message “Kill all the fuckers” is more resonate than ever.
And of course, because the fandom were generally pissed-off with Bay, many of them deliberately decided to misread that message. Insisting that Sentinel Prime (expertly played by Leonard Nimoy) was really the goody because all he wanted to do was make Cybertron great again whilst that nasty Optimus had moved on and was successfully embracing a new home and culture rather than clinging to the dream of a dying empire and trying to restore it at the cost of foreign types.
As part of the attempt to make Prime look the real baddy, the film is often painted as having him fake his death to teach America a lesson as millions are killed by the Decepticons. When instead he’s forced to fake his death having been ordered into a trap by his human allies, and as he only has half a dozen troops and Megatron an army he uses this to sneak to their stronghold so he can use his one chance to fight and free the Earth. He’s not even playing dead for that long, it real time it seems to be about as long as it would take to drive to Chicago.
(I think part of the problem may be that two separate sentences—one about how the American government now knows better than to trust the Decepticons and the following one about teaching “them” (the Decepticons) a lesson—get treated as if they’re one comment about the humans. But then, if Michael Bay is being to subtle for his mockers, who is really to blame for not getting it?)
Just to make it more blatant, the human villains are rich white people in league with a foreign power to sell out their fellows for their own gain and turn everyone who isn’t them into a slave.
Who are based out of Trump tower at the end of the film.
And Patrick Dempsey is great as Dylan, perfectly switching from seeming to be a comedy antagonist for Sam in his silly subplot to a vile and real threat and adding a real sense of weariness to how he plays things. This is not a character excited about winning, just resigned to it.
It’s also clever for wrong-footing you about the film’s McGuffin being the Space Bridge pillars when it’s really man-power. And it meshes together two different plots from the cartoon pretty seamlessly to do it.
Writing a week after a UK election Johnson should not have won and the on the day Trump faces an impeachment he will almost certainly survive and the Western world keeps goose-stepping towards full on fascism, a film firmly against these self-serving bastards and with the message “Kill all the fuckers” is more resonate than ever.
And of course, because the fandom were generally pissed-off with Bay, many of them deliberately decided to misread that message. Insisting that Sentinel Prime (expertly played by Leonard Nimoy) was really the goody because all he wanted to do was make Cybertron great again whilst that nasty Optimus had moved on and was successfully embracing a new home and culture rather than clinging to the dream of a dying empire and trying to restore it at the cost of foreign types.
As part of the attempt to make Prime look the real baddy, the film is often painted as having him fake his death to teach America a lesson as millions are killed by the Decepticons. When instead he’s forced to fake his death having been ordered into a trap by his human allies, and as he only has half a dozen troops and Megatron an army he uses this to sneak to their stronghold so he can use his one chance to fight and free the Earth. He’s not even playing dead for that long, it real time it seems to be about as long as it would take to drive to Chicago.
(I think part of the problem may be that two separate sentences—one about how the American government now knows better than to trust the Decepticons and the following one about teaching “them” (the Decepticons) a lesson—get treated as if they’re one comment about the humans. But then, if Michael Bay is being to subtle for his mockers, who is really to blame for not getting it?)
Christ, he even looks a bit like Trump Jr...
The same applies to the ending. In the original script (and novelisation that they somehow got Peter David to write), after killing Sentinel, Megatron is allowed by Prime to go back to Cybertron and try and rebuild the place.
Which is ridiculous. Megatron doesn’t have a change of heart, he kills Sentinel because he’s annoyed at having been usurped and wants to be the one doing the evil plan stuff. He has no other idea for rebuilding Cybertron than enslaving humanity. He is still a card carrying evil mass murdering genocidal bastard.
Yet there are fans who insist that it should have been the final ending to the film and Prime is a monster for killing Megatron.
Now, I could see the objection being that Prime should have handed over Megatron to American authorities for trial (though that would almost certainly lead to execution), but we’ve seen how well trying to keep Decepticons locked up goes. This Megatron is a monster with no redeeming features, put him down. It’s in keeping with the film’s “Kill fascists” stance as well.
Oddly a lot of the people who really hate the ending of this film, also hate IDW Autobot Megatron getting a redemption arc, even though his change of heart starts with him helping to save the entire space-time continuum from being wiped out. Which at least is a more notable thing than killing the guy who is stopping you from being really, really evil and counts better as mitigating circumstances.
The only real issue comes from the next one revealing Prime didn’t make sure and lost the head afterwards.
And having had a long old rant there, I feel that I’ve now gone on for two long with so much not really talked about. Including the best line “It’s the Cyrillic alphabet, it’s like all the buttons you don’t use on a calculator”.
Which is ridiculous. Megatron doesn’t have a change of heart, he kills Sentinel because he’s annoyed at having been usurped and wants to be the one doing the evil plan stuff. He has no other idea for rebuilding Cybertron than enslaving humanity. He is still a card carrying evil mass murdering genocidal bastard.
Yet there are fans who insist that it should have been the final ending to the film and Prime is a monster for killing Megatron.
Now, I could see the objection being that Prime should have handed over Megatron to American authorities for trial (though that would almost certainly lead to execution), but we’ve seen how well trying to keep Decepticons locked up goes. This Megatron is a monster with no redeeming features, put him down. It’s in keeping with the film’s “Kill fascists” stance as well.
Oddly a lot of the people who really hate the ending of this film, also hate IDW Autobot Megatron getting a redemption arc, even though his change of heart starts with him helping to save the entire space-time continuum from being wiped out. Which at least is a more notable thing than killing the guy who is stopping you from being really, really evil and counts better as mitigating circumstances.
The only real issue comes from the next one revealing Prime didn’t make sure and lost the head afterwards.
And having had a long old rant there, I feel that I’ve now gone on for two long with so much not really talked about. Including the best line “It’s the Cyrillic alphabet, it’s like all the buttons you don’t use on a calculator”.
I could have written another 2000 words on just these two.
Overall, this is a great film, and talking and thinking about it this week may even have moved it up to being my favourite. Nearly everyone involved seems to be at their peak, and it falls into that sweet spot of them having the confidence to know what they can get away with, without thinking they can get away with anything.
It’s also the last time the series feels like it’s setting trends rather than following them, from here, as the MCU gathers pace, the next three films are going to feel like they’re falling behind the times quite badly.
It’s a shame that, as seemed likely at the time, Bay didn’t leave here with a nice strong trilogy under his belt. I like stuff in the next two, but it’s diminishing returns from now on, and a new director coming in to the series at its peak would have had an easier time than trying to turn the corner after the box-office started to fall off.
Still, we got one last genuinely very good Transformers film from Bay, one that may have annoyed fans but still meant a lot to kids and entertained audiences as much as any other blockbuster. Which is all you can ask for really.
With the film out, the question is, how will the comic represent this widescreen insane epic?
ISSUE 1
2011
COMMENT
KO-FI
It’s also the last time the series feels like it’s setting trends rather than following them, from here, as the MCU gathers pace, the next three films are going to feel like they’re falling behind the times quite badly.
It’s a shame that, as seemed likely at the time, Bay didn’t leave here with a nice strong trilogy under his belt. I like stuff in the next two, but it’s diminishing returns from now on, and a new director coming in to the series at its peak would have had an easier time than trying to turn the corner after the box-office started to fall off.
Still, we got one last genuinely very good Transformers film from Bay, one that may have annoyed fans but still meant a lot to kids and entertained audiences as much as any other blockbuster. Which is all you can ask for really.
With the film out, the question is, how will the comic represent this widescreen insane epic?
ISSUE 1
2011
COMMENT
KO-FI
