This is the Tale of Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirate so Brave on the Seven Seas.
Heart of Darkness Issue 3. May 25th 2011.
Do you think D-Void is a delusion?
It’s taken us three issues to get here, but finally, just past the halfway mark, we finally get a moment of unquestionable genius from this increasingly odd comic.
In the clouds of the gas giant Spindrift, one-time vital battleground in the Transformers “Civil War,” we find a pirate ship flying along to capture eels, captained by none other than a full on “Oh ah me hearties” captain space crab man.
This, and the subsequent fight with a “Cloud Leviathan” are frankly glorious, finally feeling like it’s from writers who’ve had success with Guardians of the Galaxy and come up through the 80s/90s UK comic scene that gave us Captain Plunder in Sonic the Comic. Weird alien creatures let Farines do some entertainingly nuts work as well.
Frankly, if you don’t love a space pirate captain crab man, you may be tired of life.
Do you think D-Void is a delusion?
It’s taken us three issues to get here, but finally, just past the halfway mark, we finally get a moment of unquestionable genius from this increasingly odd comic.
In the clouds of the gas giant Spindrift, one-time vital battleground in the Transformers “Civil War,” we find a pirate ship flying along to capture eels, captained by none other than a full on “Oh ah me hearties” captain space crab man.
This, and the subsequent fight with a “Cloud Leviathan” are frankly glorious, finally feeling like it’s from writers who’ve had success with Guardians of the Galaxy and come up through the 80s/90s UK comic scene that gave us Captain Plunder in Sonic the Comic. Weird alien creatures let Farines do some entertainingly nuts work as well.
Frankly, if you don’t love a space pirate captain crab man, you may be tired of life.
Avast behind.
Unfortunately, this entertaining five-page diversion is brough to an end by the arrival of Galvatron, Cyclonus, Scourge and the Sweeps (who I guess were just out of panel in the first two issues?), who take out the monster, but also take over the pirate ship. Which turns out to be the body of a Cybertronian, which Galvatron uses the Heart of Darkness Power tm to revive, revealing the Ancient Headmaster, Thinkbox. A casualty of the civil war who knows Galvatron and wants to know whose side he’s fighting on this time.
Now, everything about this contradicts the established backstory of Galvatron, that he vanished eons ago before any war and can’t possibly know a Headmaster from it, especially when Headmasters weren’t invented till five years ago.
That sound you can hear is John Barber starting to rub his thighs with furious excitement as he already begins plotting to have all this make sense and line-up, but at this point, with all the odd continuity moments we’ve had over the last few years, I can’t quite get the energy to start caring.
Much more fun is the crabs’ reaction to all this, left adrift on the minimal remaining wreckage of their ship, they can’t decide if this was a rescue or not.
Now, everything about this contradicts the established backstory of Galvatron, that he vanished eons ago before any war and can’t possibly know a Headmaster from it, especially when Headmasters weren’t invented till five years ago.
That sound you can hear is John Barber starting to rub his thighs with furious excitement as he already begins plotting to have all this make sense and line-up, but at this point, with all the odd continuity moments we’ve had over the last few years, I can’t quite get the energy to start caring.
Much more fun is the crabs’ reaction to all this, left adrift on the minimal remaining wreckage of their ship, they can’t decide if this was a rescue or not.
The writers misunderstood when they were asked to think outside the box.
Now back into the actual plot, Galvatron takes Thinkbox to a battlefield littered with bodies of Cybertronians of both sides (from which the crabs had grabbed Thinkbox’s body), explaining his great crusade to stop D-Void, before using his powers to revive every one of them. Including at least one woman, because artists continue to refuse to play ball with that whole “Arcee is the only one” idea, and God bless them for it.
He then takes everyone to his spaceship in orbit, where Jhiaxus, on Gorlam Prime and rebuilding the Space Bridge network, brings them all home. Giving Galvatron chance to give a big speech to himself about how they have done this several times on different planets (including Junkion) and he has recruited a huge army.
Which, considering he already has the Sweeps, and that I’m not sure this story is going to need such a big army of distinct characters, does make you realise the bulk of this issue is rather gratuitous padding.
Still, the real actual plot can now start as, after telling off Cyclonus for doubting D-Void is even real (I sympathise with Cyclonus), the Heart of Darkness tells Galvatron that D-Void is coming into our Universe on the planet Dykayra.
Once Space Bridged there (having only taken a small scouting team, making the army look pointless already), they find a city of the same architecture as the one in the catacombs on Gorlam Prime.
He then takes everyone to his spaceship in orbit, where Jhiaxus, on Gorlam Prime and rebuilding the Space Bridge network, brings them all home. Giving Galvatron chance to give a big speech to himself about how they have done this several times on different planets (including Junkion) and he has recruited a huge army.
Which, considering he already has the Sweeps, and that I’m not sure this story is going to need such a big army of distinct characters, does make you realise the bulk of this issue is rather gratuitous padding.
Still, the real actual plot can now start as, after telling off Cyclonus for doubting D-Void is even real (I sympathise with Cyclonus), the Heart of Darkness tells Galvatron that D-Void is coming into our Universe on the planet Dykayra.
Once Space Bridged there (having only taken a small scouting team, making the army look pointless already), they find a city of the same architecture as the one in the catacombs on Gorlam Prime.
I'm sure all these guys will come in useful.
And I honestly can’t remember how or if Barber will square that with his own explanation of the city on GP.
They also find the bodies of Autobots killed so hard, even Galvatron can’t revive them.
And another great big sphere portal to the Dead Universe.
Which is where the sense of padding comes back in, because it’s hard to see why Abnett and Lanning couldn’t have just used the great big sphere portal they’d already introduced for this.
This leads us to our shock cliff-hanger as the surprise villain comes out of the portal, asking Galvatron if he has a greeting for his long-lost old friend, none other than Nemesis Prime!
Who is back in his old colours and has some nasty black energy coming out of his face.
Yes, the big reveal is that the villain behind this Dead Universe plot is the villain who is always behind the Dead Universe stuff.
What an odd issue from an odd series. The pirate crabs’ stuff is genuinely great fun, but also completely irrelevant, for something that takes up close to a quarter of the issue.
They also find the bodies of Autobots killed so hard, even Galvatron can’t revive them.
And another great big sphere portal to the Dead Universe.
Which is where the sense of padding comes back in, because it’s hard to see why Abnett and Lanning couldn’t have just used the great big sphere portal they’d already introduced for this.
This leads us to our shock cliff-hanger as the surprise villain comes out of the portal, asking Galvatron if he has a greeting for his long-lost old friend, none other than Nemesis Prime!
Who is back in his old colours and has some nasty black energy coming out of his face.
Yes, the big reveal is that the villain behind this Dead Universe plot is the villain who is always behind the Dead Universe stuff.
What an odd issue from an odd series. The pirate crabs’ stuff is genuinely great fun, but also completely irrelevant, for something that takes up close to a quarter of the issue.
The return no one was waiting for.
The more relevant idea of Galvatron raising an army struggles with the fact that you’re not really sure why he needs such a big army, especially as I don’t remember the focus character of Thinkbox ever appearing again (though we’ll see if I’m right about that).
This and the fairly pointless moving of the action to a new planet can’t help but feels like a comic just making time before the big reveal, a big reveal that is incredibly hard to get excited about. As ever when Furman plots get revisited over the years, everyone seems to have forgotten they were rapidly wrapped up because they’d not been very popular.
All of which leaves us with another issue that’s not especially good and doesn’t give you much to talk about outside the opening.
Never thought I’d be so glad to have crabs.
Next week, more operas in space as Rodimus tries to head home.
THE TRANSFORMERS ISSUE 19
2011
COMMENT
KO-FI
This and the fairly pointless moving of the action to a new planet can’t help but feels like a comic just making time before the big reveal, a big reveal that is incredibly hard to get excited about. As ever when Furman plots get revisited over the years, everyone seems to have forgotten they were rapidly wrapped up because they’d not been very popular.
All of which leaves us with another issue that’s not especially good and doesn’t give you much to talk about outside the opening.
Never thought I’d be so glad to have crabs.
Next week, more operas in space as Rodimus tries to head home.
THE TRANSFORMERS ISSUE 19
2011
COMMENT
KO-FI
