Don’t go Changing Every Time, not for Me to Compromise, You’re Still a Friend of Mine, Yeah Yeah, and You’re Drop Dead Gorgeous.
Bumblebee Issue 3: The Gift Horse. 17th February 2010.
No, not all cars are robots, Serena. Just special ones, just…uhh…German ones.
The title of this issue refers to the Trojan Horse, which also has a famous saying about it, which is ironic as everyone featured in this issue is far too dumb to even open the horse’s mouth, let alone look into it.
Which is shown by the opening page of Colonel Horiuchi and two aides—including Klonowski, who has been around the entire series but takes on a more significant role here—driving across the desert to try and “Fix” the broken Bumblebee. With their conversation making it very clear their entire enterprise is teetering on failure as Regular Skywatch is starting to notice Secret Skywatch. So, they need Skywarp captured and a bunch of tame Autobots to offer up so everything will come out of the wash approved.
At the base, as Klonowski tries and fails to fix “Bumblebee” with a new badge, we get an incredibly odd clunky moment where Horiuchi tells the pretending to be a good boy Ratchet that if everyone behaves, they could be given a piece of land of their own. Which Ratchet points out sounds like a prison.
So yes, this comic is comparing the Autobots to Native Americans being forced onto reservations. Even though, as the outside, more deadly, force coming into a world that has never had outside contact, surely, they’re a more natural fit for colonialists in any analogy? Something the later years of the comic will, albeit also occasionally clunkily, make great play of. It’s definitely a very awkward analogy, and also not one that I think will have any baring on the rest of the comic.
No, not all cars are robots, Serena. Just special ones, just…uhh…German ones.
The title of this issue refers to the Trojan Horse, which also has a famous saying about it, which is ironic as everyone featured in this issue is far too dumb to even open the horse’s mouth, let alone look into it.
Which is shown by the opening page of Colonel Horiuchi and two aides—including Klonowski, who has been around the entire series but takes on a more significant role here—driving across the desert to try and “Fix” the broken Bumblebee. With their conversation making it very clear their entire enterprise is teetering on failure as Regular Skywatch is starting to notice Secret Skywatch. So, they need Skywarp captured and a bunch of tame Autobots to offer up so everything will come out of the wash approved.
At the base, as Klonowski tries and fails to fix “Bumblebee” with a new badge, we get an incredibly odd clunky moment where Horiuchi tells the pretending to be a good boy Ratchet that if everyone behaves, they could be given a piece of land of their own. Which Ratchet points out sounds like a prison.
So yes, this comic is comparing the Autobots to Native Americans being forced onto reservations. Even though, as the outside, more deadly, force coming into a world that has never had outside contact, surely, they’re a more natural fit for colonialists in any analogy? Something the later years of the comic will, albeit also occasionally clunkily, make great play of. It’s definitely a very awkward analogy, and also not one that I think will have any baring on the rest of the comic.
I know writers who use subtext...
What does matter more, is Klonowski noticing Bumblebee has rust and a licence plate but being too dumb to say anything as the Colonel drags him out, muttering that “Sanjay” needs to get them a better control board.
Now, ironically considering what’s about to happen, it’s common for law enforcement posing as paedophiles on Dark Web forums to piece together peoples’ identities and locations from throwaway accidental slips, which is what happens here as Wheeljack puts the pieces together to work out there’s only one Sanjay working at the company that was shipping the components Bumblebee was tracking last issue (making that the only real relevance the dockyards visit has to anything). One Sanjay Bharwaney, who despite the name (presumably picked so the odds would be good there’s be only one match on a large company’s system), is coloured as a white guy throughout.
Wheeljack also makes a bit of a leap from the needing a new board comment to assume that there is a second one, that it’ll be at the guy’s house rather than work because it’s dodgy dealing and it can be used to shut off all the badges (though it’ll also have an effect on non-badged Autobots, so Bumblebee and Blurr will need to be out the way). Which, if nothing else, is optimistic.
Luckily, Sanjay has a young white red-haired daughter (less of a problem considering we don’t meet the mum) and is a complete idiot who has taken no elementary precautions against Transformers whilst working on a device to enslave Transformers. So, over the course of the issue, he pays no attention to his daughter, Serena, talking about a funny car, and the housekeeper assumes she’s just playing when she says a car talked to her. When you’d think the very idea would be terrifying to people in this world without any added context.
Now, ironically considering what’s about to happen, it’s common for law enforcement posing as paedophiles on Dark Web forums to piece together peoples’ identities and locations from throwaway accidental slips, which is what happens here as Wheeljack puts the pieces together to work out there’s only one Sanjay working at the company that was shipping the components Bumblebee was tracking last issue (making that the only real relevance the dockyards visit has to anything). One Sanjay Bharwaney, who despite the name (presumably picked so the odds would be good there’s be only one match on a large company’s system), is coloured as a white guy throughout.
Wheeljack also makes a bit of a leap from the needing a new board comment to assume that there is a second one, that it’ll be at the guy’s house rather than work because it’s dodgy dealing and it can be used to shut off all the badges (though it’ll also have an effect on non-badged Autobots, so Bumblebee and Blurr will need to be out the way). Which, if nothing else, is optimistic.
Luckily, Sanjay has a young white red-haired daughter (less of a problem considering we don’t meet the mum) and is a complete idiot who has taken no elementary precautions against Transformers whilst working on a device to enslave Transformers. So, over the course of the issue, he pays no attention to his daughter, Serena, talking about a funny car, and the housekeeper assumes she’s just playing when she says a car talked to her. When you’d think the very idea would be terrifying to people in this world without any added context.
"I have some puppies, do you like puppies?"
This gives us the weirdest part of the whole series, Bumblebee quietly luring the girl over with his car horn, becoming a “Friendly German” robot and building up trust through games so he can get her to do something her dad can never know about.
All helped by her apparently never having heard of the robots either, which even if she’s only 5 or 6 and the main invasion was three years ago, seems really unlikely. I’m sure 6-year-old kids in 2004 were very aware something had happened 3 years prior.
The whole sequence is weird, creepy, very strange for a book aimed and children and the entire plan depends on Sanjay leaving his Transformers controlling briefcase out where his daughter, or any thief, could grab it easily.
During this bonding, Klonowski starts to get suspicious, first as the Autobots he’s listening in on all seem fine at the idea of hunting down the likes of Hot Rod, in stark contrast to how they responded to the Blurr order. Then by Ratchet answering a question Cliffjumper didn’t ask, because the complete idiot responds to a text by speaking aloud. You know, the one thing they’re not supposed to do.
All helped by her apparently never having heard of the robots either, which even if she’s only 5 or 6 and the main invasion was three years ago, seems really unlikely. I’m sure 6-year-old kids in 2004 were very aware something had happened 3 years prior.
The whole sequence is weird, creepy, very strange for a book aimed and children and the entire plan depends on Sanjay leaving his Transformers controlling briefcase out where his daughter, or any thief, could grab it easily.
During this bonding, Klonowski starts to get suspicious, first as the Autobots he’s listening in on all seem fine at the idea of hunting down the likes of Hot Rod, in stark contrast to how they responded to the Blurr order. Then by Ratchet answering a question Cliffjumper didn’t ask, because the complete idiot responds to a text by speaking aloud. You know, the one thing they’re not supposed to do.
The face you pull when you first see Kiss Players (one for James there).
Which leads to the one sensible bit of behaviour this issue, as he goes to comms and starts investigating the Autobots background noise, and then shits himself as he finds the Secret Text Message field, including those being sent right now.
Luckily for the Autobots, this coincides with a change of heart in Bumblebee, as he feels a deep conflict within himself about lying to a small child, does this make him as bad as the humans say they are? And even though the idiot responds out loud again, I’m with Wheeljack and his incredulity, you’re trying to free your people from slavery and the worse consequence is a child will learn an important lesson about stranger danger that will probably keep them alive into puberty. There’s no conflict there.
Though at least it presents him as relatable and human to any potential person eavesdropping in on the texts, to an extent that might force a change of heart.
Bumblebee also gets an out of his ethical dilemma when the girl brings him the suitcase (after telling her it needs “fixing”, it had already been established Sanjay has a lot of similar cases, so it’s lucky she didn’t bring out his porn laptop instead), it turns out to be full of trackers and alarms that make it impossible to remove.
Luckily for the Autobots, this coincides with a change of heart in Bumblebee, as he feels a deep conflict within himself about lying to a small child, does this make him as bad as the humans say they are? And even though the idiot responds out loud again, I’m with Wheeljack and his incredulity, you’re trying to free your people from slavery and the worse consequence is a child will learn an important lesson about stranger danger that will probably keep them alive into puberty. There’s no conflict there.
Though at least it presents him as relatable and human to any potential person eavesdropping in on the texts, to an extent that might force a change of heart.
Bumblebee also gets an out of his ethical dilemma when the girl brings him the suitcase (after telling her it needs “fixing”, it had already been established Sanjay has a lot of similar cases, so it’s lucky she didn’t bring out his porn laptop instead), it turns out to be full of trackers and alarms that make it impossible to remove.
DON'T TELL ANYONE
So instead, with Wheeljack still doubting him, he “fixes” it there and then himself (said fix including more radiation leakage that’s Totally Safe for humans but makes it more trackable), setting it up to destroy all the badges next time it’s used. Though if there was an explanation for why he doesn’t do it himself there and then, I missed it.
This means Bumblebee doesn’t have to steal from the child he’s groomed, but still feels sad as he drives off about having lied to her. Dear God, there’s someone who does not know how parenting is nothing but lying to kids.
As he drives off though, he doesn’t realise that Skywarp, who has been doing more raiding of Skywatch facilities (pleasingly, and in the grand tradition of UNIT, with large “SKYWATCH” signs outside their top-secret buildings), has tracked the case as well and is about to arrive at the house...
For all the oddness of the set-up, the actual good stuff here is Bumblebee playing with a kid, making jokes, and just having fun. But the context to get there is terrible, having all sorts of weird connotations.
This means Bumblebee doesn’t have to steal from the child he’s groomed, but still feels sad as he drives off about having lied to her. Dear God, there’s someone who does not know how parenting is nothing but lying to kids.
As he drives off though, he doesn’t realise that Skywarp, who has been doing more raiding of Skywatch facilities (pleasingly, and in the grand tradition of UNIT, with large “SKYWATCH” signs outside their top-secret buildings), has tracked the case as well and is about to arrive at the house...
For all the oddness of the set-up, the actual good stuff here is Bumblebee playing with a kid, making jokes, and just having fun. But the context to get there is terrible, having all sorts of weird connotations.
"What if this is the thing that proves the humans right and not us destroying their cities?"
And for the ethical dilemma that the issue tries to make a centrepiece to work, it needed to be tougher. Bumblebee doesn’t even have to actually steal the control case in the end. If not for what looks likely to happen next with Skywarp, she’d never even know she’d have been used.
Everyone else is a complete idiot in this issue as well, with the humans and the Autobots in a race to see who can have the dumbest reaction to things. All of which makes for an underwhelming issue that never quite clicks and is also very muddled for something that’s in theory for small children.
Let’s hope the issue for next week makes a bigger Impactor.
ADDENDUM 7: DEAD MEN'S BOOTS
2010
COMMENT
KO-FI
Everyone else is a complete idiot in this issue as well, with the humans and the Autobots in a race to see who can have the dumbest reaction to things. All of which makes for an underwhelming issue that never quite clicks and is also very muddled for something that’s in theory for small children.
Let’s hope the issue for next week makes a bigger Impactor.
ADDENDUM 7: DEAD MEN'S BOOTS
2010
COMMENT
KO-FI
