We Got Two Tribes, We Got the Bomb, We Got the Bomb, Yeah.
All Hail Megatron Issue 6. 2nd January 2009*.
*This issue was actually first released in Canada a couple of days earlier, but Canada doesn’t count.
Bugs? You’re a bug.
As the exact midpoint of a 12 issue series (though, even if it hadn’t been formally announced yet, plans must have been well underway for the “Coda” issues), you could quite reasonably expect this to be an exciting, dramatic halfway turning point for the series, something that gives the book an immense boost of energy to take it into the second half.
So, for example, I am currently reading for the first time (much to my shame for someone who has an interest in and has read a lot of comics from that period. Certainly if I’d read it before covering Time Wars for this site, I’d have pointed out how indebted to that story Furman was), the at least spiritual granddad of all 12 issue event maxi-series, Crisis on Infinite Earths.
The sixth issue of which features an all out assault on the Anti-Monitor’s base, and the defeat of his initial plan and the epic, heroic and played for great drama death of the iconic character Supergirl. It both rewards the reader who has come that far with closure on some of the plots, and pivots the story into a whole new direction as the villain has to bring his backup plans into play.
*This issue was actually first released in Canada a couple of days earlier, but Canada doesn’t count.
Bugs? You’re a bug.
As the exact midpoint of a 12 issue series (though, even if it hadn’t been formally announced yet, plans must have been well underway for the “Coda” issues), you could quite reasonably expect this to be an exciting, dramatic halfway turning point for the series, something that gives the book an immense boost of energy to take it into the second half.
So, for example, I am currently reading for the first time (much to my shame for someone who has an interest in and has read a lot of comics from that period. Certainly if I’d read it before covering Time Wars for this site, I’d have pointed out how indebted to that story Furman was), the at least spiritual granddad of all 12 issue event maxi-series, Crisis on Infinite Earths.
The sixth issue of which features an all out assault on the Anti-Monitor’s base, and the defeat of his initial plan and the epic, heroic and played for great drama death of the iconic character Supergirl. It both rewards the reader who has come that far with closure on some of the plots, and pivots the story into a whole new direction as the villain has to bring his backup plans into play.
All Hail Megatron issue 6 opens with two pages of Kup and Jazz arguing over which one of them gets to be in charge, continuing the series’ odd machismo and making you wonder how the Autobot hierarchy works that Prowl is Prime’s second in command, except when Prime is knocked out, in which case Jazz is the second officer, until commando Kup (who historically, is not a command level officer but security) turns up and then he’s in charge. Apparently because he just shouts down Jazz by alluding to his own dodgy special ops past rather than being how things are supposed to work.
They also pad out the scene by re-establishing Megatron has the Matrix (and has killed two Primes, some ass covering for Zeta there. But Sentinel will turn out to be in better shape than he looked) and how the betrayal of their security codes has taken out all their bases.
Indeed, Kup makes it clear that basically all the Autobots have been massacred, but the imbalance that this should leave between their forces and the Decepticons will never really be as apparent as it should be.
Frankly, the best part of this scene is nice friendly Prowl barging in and accidentally keeping the argument going by asking if Springer is going to be second in command to Kup rather than Jazz. Poor old Prowl, as he says, “I actually came out here to help. It’s what I do”. What a lovely guy.
They also pad out the scene by re-establishing Megatron has the Matrix (and has killed two Primes, some ass covering for Zeta there. But Sentinel will turn out to be in better shape than he looked) and how the betrayal of their security codes has taken out all their bases.
Indeed, Kup makes it clear that basically all the Autobots have been massacred, but the imbalance that this should leave between their forces and the Decepticons will never really be as apparent as it should be.
Frankly, the best part of this scene is nice friendly Prowl barging in and accidentally keeping the argument going by asking if Springer is going to be second in command to Kup rather than Jazz. Poor old Prowl, as he says, “I actually came out here to help. It’s what I do”. What a lovely guy.
After two issues with almost nothing of the title character, the heart of this issue is one big five page scene, split in two, but as it’s continuous and frankly padded out I’ll cover it in one go, of Megatron in the ruins of Israel, talking to Starscream.
Yes, that’s right. Israel. I’m not sure what this is trying to say there, maybe Shane McCarthy is too surface level to have even thought this could have implications, but I’m not touching that with a bargepole.
As he’s standing there, Megatron has a chat with Starscream, and as Starscream only appears in tight close-up panels with a Cybertronian style corridor behind him, it’s clear that this is not a “Real”, conversation, even though the ending when Megatron describes himself as having needed time alone to the just arrived Blitzwing is clearly meant to be some sort of really clever M. Night Shyamalan level twist.
The only real question is, is this a conversation that had happened previously that Megatron is remembering, or is it entirely his internal monologue being presented in a more dramatic way to readers than just narration boxes?
Either way, and at the very least after all that heavy Furman narrated issues I’m all for making it more dramatic, there’s very little here that was either not already apparent, or will be made explicit in one of the sequences between the two halves of this conversation.
So Megatron has won, but is acting very oddly, solidifying his troops in one city (again, how much of the Earth they’ve conquered varies even in a sequence where they are literally outside of America). Megatron claims it’s to create a new Cybertron to use as a base, “Starscream” points out they could just as easily levelled everything from orbit. This is a distraction for now restless troops with nothing else to do, and when they realise this, who will be the one to come for Megatron?
Yes, that’s right. Israel. I’m not sure what this is trying to say there, maybe Shane McCarthy is too surface level to have even thought this could have implications, but I’m not touching that with a bargepole.
As he’s standing there, Megatron has a chat with Starscream, and as Starscream only appears in tight close-up panels with a Cybertronian style corridor behind him, it’s clear that this is not a “Real”, conversation, even though the ending when Megatron describes himself as having needed time alone to the just arrived Blitzwing is clearly meant to be some sort of really clever M. Night Shyamalan level twist.
The only real question is, is this a conversation that had happened previously that Megatron is remembering, or is it entirely his internal monologue being presented in a more dramatic way to readers than just narration boxes?
Either way, and at the very least after all that heavy Furman narrated issues I’m all for making it more dramatic, there’s very little here that was either not already apparent, or will be made explicit in one of the sequences between the two halves of this conversation.
So Megatron has won, but is acting very oddly, solidifying his troops in one city (again, how much of the Earth they’ve conquered varies even in a sequence where they are literally outside of America). Megatron claims it’s to create a new Cybertron to use as a base, “Starscream” points out they could just as easily levelled everything from orbit. This is a distraction for now restless troops with nothing else to do, and when they realise this, who will be the one to come for Megatron?
Hilariously, “Starscream” suggests Scourge as a possibility, which is McCarthy setting up a plotline that will die stillborn the second a new writer comes aboard. Though that McCarthy was thinking of potential plots outside of this series suggests he thought he might have more of a future with the franchise than would wind up being the case.
This whole sequence is very indicative of a lot of the stuff we’ll be getting for the next few years, writers (well, one in particular who sure loves a coffee) who think they’re being very clever and profound but, when you get past the surface level playing around with format, they’re not actually saying anything.
The best bit is probably when Blitzwing points out Megatron had standing orders none of them should leave America without a cassette to jam the human’s guided missiles, and Megatron is dismissive of his own need for protection as he walks away from the wreckage of the IDF.
No, still not going to touch that.
Between the pages of this scene, we actually get an indication of how the Decepticons are fraying at the edges, as, in Beijing, Skywarp and Bombshell are having an argument. With Skywarp, who in later years will be a US special ops agent as part of G.I. Joe, bragging about having personally murdered half the city. Which would be several million Chinese people.
He’s going to be such a comedy scamp with his lovable sidekick Rock’N’Roll.
Still, this accentuates his dislike of the “Freaks”, and in particular their leader with his creepy mind-powers. Bombshell, on the other hand, considers the Seekers (who apparently take their forms in tribute to Starscream, put that down to PR as I believe it’ll be confirmed to having been a common body type even before Seekers were a thing) to be old hat and cheerfully needles Skywarp about how they’ve been replaced as Megatron’s favourites by the green engineer guys.
This whole sequence is very indicative of a lot of the stuff we’ll be getting for the next few years, writers (well, one in particular who sure loves a coffee) who think they’re being very clever and profound but, when you get past the surface level playing around with format, they’re not actually saying anything.
The best bit is probably when Blitzwing points out Megatron had standing orders none of them should leave America without a cassette to jam the human’s guided missiles, and Megatron is dismissive of his own need for protection as he walks away from the wreckage of the IDF.
No, still not going to touch that.
Between the pages of this scene, we actually get an indication of how the Decepticons are fraying at the edges, as, in Beijing, Skywarp and Bombshell are having an argument. With Skywarp, who in later years will be a US special ops agent as part of G.I. Joe, bragging about having personally murdered half the city. Which would be several million Chinese people.
He’s going to be such a comedy scamp with his lovable sidekick Rock’N’Roll.
Still, this accentuates his dislike of the “Freaks”, and in particular their leader with his creepy mind-powers. Bombshell, on the other hand, considers the Seekers (who apparently take their forms in tribute to Starscream, put that down to PR as I believe it’ll be confirmed to having been a common body type even before Seekers were a thing) to be old hat and cheerfully needles Skywarp about how they’ve been replaced as Megatron’s favourites by the green engineer guys.
Which gets him shot by Skywarp, who for some reason fires his arm guns whilst taking what can only be called an incredibly camp (but awesome) hands on hips pose. Which brings the other Insecticons forward, but with the help of Thundercracker, it becomes a standoff the trio decide to fly away from. And that three Insecticons don’t feel good about a fight with two Seekers suggests they’re not quite as past it as Bombshell was claiming.
The divisions are even deeper though, as Skywarp tries to connect with Thundercracker over that moment of violence (alongside a throwaway mention they should have dumped these Insecticons on Cybertron “With the rest”, which is basically one scene foreshadowing), but as Thundercracker stays despondent, it becomes an argument over how the blue guy just hasn’t joined in any of the carnage and, with Starscream off doing his own things, Skywarp feels Johnny No Mates. Which makes him fly-off in a huff.
That’s probably the best part of the issue, putting the cracks in the Decepticons into focus and having some nice lines and character work that feels right for the two Seekers and the nasty mind-controlling bug.
On Cybertron, Kup decides to not tell the rest of the troops about the Matrix, and to use the energon reserves his team had to try and fix the Trion to help Prime. He then gives a Very Official history of the Matrix, making it what the war has been about (let’s assume he means metaphorically in terms of what he thinks it stands for), a beacon held for all of recorded history by a series of Primes, leaders who represent a higher ideal and that believing in something is what makes them better than the Decepticons.
The divisions are even deeper though, as Skywarp tries to connect with Thundercracker over that moment of violence (alongside a throwaway mention they should have dumped these Insecticons on Cybertron “With the rest”, which is basically one scene foreshadowing), but as Thundercracker stays despondent, it becomes an argument over how the blue guy just hasn’t joined in any of the carnage and, with Starscream off doing his own things, Skywarp feels Johnny No Mates. Which makes him fly-off in a huff.
That’s probably the best part of the issue, putting the cracks in the Decepticons into focus and having some nice lines and character work that feels right for the two Seekers and the nasty mind-controlling bug.
On Cybertron, Kup decides to not tell the rest of the troops about the Matrix, and to use the energon reserves his team had to try and fix the Trion to help Prime. He then gives a Very Official history of the Matrix, making it what the war has been about (let’s assume he means metaphorically in terms of what he thinks it stands for), a beacon held for all of recorded history by a series of Primes, leaders who represent a higher ideal and that believing in something is what makes them better than the Decepticons.
Which, even ignoring what is to come, we’ve already seen is complete and utter BS. But, maybe no one filled in Kup on what happened with Nemesis Prime whilst he was knocked out.
Still, he’s very clear that Jazz is now going to stay in line, as there’s no more time for arguments and he doesn’t want to see anything like a mutiny.
Meanwhile, outside, Ironhide is trying to start a mutiny by sheepishly going up to Roadbuster and trying to talk to him about his need to vent and how he could put those violent urges into something...
But he doesn’t get far as they see what can only be described as an Insecticon Monster, a member of the swarm we’ve had built up as a threat since we returned to Cybertron. It has to be stopped before it brings the rest of its mates in, which gives us our only real moment in this series of trying to make Drift A Thing, as he gets a page of standing up against the creature and doing that Samurai movie thing of moving his sword so fast, his opponent doesn’t realise they’re dead till they fall in half.
He’s then saved from a second Swarmy by a shot from Perceptor and his huge, massive, sniper rifle. Which makes Tracks ask about when Perceptor became scary, as Cliffjumper thinks it’s the coolest thing he’s even seen.
Still, he’s very clear that Jazz is now going to stay in line, as there’s no more time for arguments and he doesn’t want to see anything like a mutiny.
Meanwhile, outside, Ironhide is trying to start a mutiny by sheepishly going up to Roadbuster and trying to talk to him about his need to vent and how he could put those violent urges into something...
But he doesn’t get far as they see what can only be described as an Insecticon Monster, a member of the swarm we’ve had built up as a threat since we returned to Cybertron. It has to be stopped before it brings the rest of its mates in, which gives us our only real moment in this series of trying to make Drift A Thing, as he gets a page of standing up against the creature and doing that Samurai movie thing of moving his sword so fast, his opponent doesn’t realise they’re dead till they fall in half.
He’s then saved from a second Swarmy by a shot from Perceptor and his huge, massive, sniper rifle. Which makes Tracks ask about when Perceptor became scary, as Cliffjumper thinks it’s the coolest thing he’s even seen.
Now, why Perceptor has so drastically changed will be explained (though only in the Coda issues), and there will be some good stuff with this version. But it’s also telling, that he’ll gradually just become more and more “Classic” Perceptor as we go through different writers, until by the time James Roberts is his main writer, he just is the 1986 version with a funny eyepiece.
And that’s because, “Sniperceptor” is about as tired a conceit as you can get, a dark and edgy take on a beloved 1980s cartoon character, he’s silent and deadly and will fire bullets at you rather than doing science. Which is a bit much considering Perceptor got an entire episode of the cartoon proving that just because he’s a big word using nerd, he’s still tough in his own way and it takes more than brawn (or Brawn) to win a battle. That was like, the entire message of the character and one that Shane McCarthy seems to have missed.
There will be some attempt to try and make a “What we don’t need is another guy with a gun" point, but amidst the dripping testosterone from every character, you’re only left feeling that, no, they do need more guns. And bigger guns. And bigger boys to shoot the guns.
It’s the end of the issue, after the second half of the Megatron scene, that, if only because of timing, hits a real low point.
And that’s because, “Sniperceptor” is about as tired a conceit as you can get, a dark and edgy take on a beloved 1980s cartoon character, he’s silent and deadly and will fire bullets at you rather than doing science. Which is a bit much considering Perceptor got an entire episode of the cartoon proving that just because he’s a big word using nerd, he’s still tough in his own way and it takes more than brawn (or Brawn) to win a battle. That was like, the entire message of the character and one that Shane McCarthy seems to have missed.
There will be some attempt to try and make a “What we don’t need is another guy with a gun" point, but amidst the dripping testosterone from every character, you’re only left feeling that, no, they do need more guns. And bigger guns. And bigger boys to shoot the guns.
It’s the end of the issue, after the second half of the Megatron scene, that, if only because of timing, hits a real low point.
The UN (or what’s left of them, it would seem Europe and Japan are the largely untouched nations) are meeting in Versailles to plan a counter-attack now that American has fallen, but the Decepticons are still all in New York.
Even though we’ve seen them spread out across the world in this very issue, only damage to America is mentioned, and apparently taking out New York (with an prior push to drive any stragglers back to that city, which is optimistic considering what we’ve seen so far) will solve everything.
So as Americans (we apparently should ignore the Chinese and Israelis) fight and die for liberty, these Europeans (and one Japanese man) drink honey tea in their nice suits and at a nice table (there is no attempt to portray a war room, just decadence) and decide to nuke New York.
This was pretty crap at the time, an obvious holdover from America’s issues over the UN not backing their invasion of Iraq, something that you see in a lot of comics of the time (though, again, it is odd for an Australian writer to go down this road), most famously of course, “What do you think this A stands for? France?” from The Ultimates. It’s a incredibly petulant view of an organisation that had already been proven right to have had doubts by the time this issue came out.
Even though we’ve seen them spread out across the world in this very issue, only damage to America is mentioned, and apparently taking out New York (with an prior push to drive any stragglers back to that city, which is optimistic considering what we’ve seen so far) will solve everything.
So as Americans (we apparently should ignore the Chinese and Israelis) fight and die for liberty, these Europeans (and one Japanese man) drink honey tea in their nice suits and at a nice table (there is no attempt to portray a war room, just decadence) and decide to nuke New York.
This was pretty crap at the time, an obvious holdover from America’s issues over the UN not backing their invasion of Iraq, something that you see in a lot of comics of the time (though, again, it is odd for an Australian writer to go down this road), most famously of course, “What do you think this A stands for? France?” from The Ultimates. It’s a incredibly petulant view of an organisation that had already been proven right to have had doubts by the time this issue came out.
But of course, reading it today, in March 2022, as an actual full scale invasion of Europe is going on that the UN and NATO are (so far, at the time of writing, and God help us all if the situation has deteriorated by the time you read this), broadly speaking and as much as they can in an extremely tense situation, doing the right thing, walking that line between helping the Ukrainians and not getting so involved than an escalation into a wider European war becomes inevitable... is terrible.
Real meetings to decide the fate of nations are happening right now, and no one is making cheery small chat about putting honey in their tea and treating the thought of throwing nukes about as an afterthought. Things might get worse, but it won’t be because those making the decisions are too aloof to care, and reading now, this cliff-hanger winds up feeling uncomfortable and offensive.
But hey, let’s hope we can continue to be annoyed by bad comics for a long time to come.
Next week, one way or another, we’re definitely going back to the stone age as Maximum Dinobots brings the old team back together.
MAXIMUM DINOBOTS ISSUE 1
2009
COMMENT
KO-FI
Real meetings to decide the fate of nations are happening right now, and no one is making cheery small chat about putting honey in their tea and treating the thought of throwing nukes about as an afterthought. Things might get worse, but it won’t be because those making the decisions are too aloof to care, and reading now, this cliff-hanger winds up feeling uncomfortable and offensive.
But hey, let’s hope we can continue to be annoyed by bad comics for a long time to come.
Next week, one way or another, we’re definitely going back to the stone age as Maximum Dinobots brings the old team back together.
MAXIMUM DINOBOTS ISSUE 1
2009
COMMENT
KO-FI